Kitobni o'qish: «Stop. Dont Repeat My Mistakes. My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice»

Stop. Don’t Repeat My Mistakes.

My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice

This book is an open conversation between a woman and other women.

About love, relationships, men, and the most important decisions we make in our lives. About the mistakes we make when we love. About the situations where we endure for far too long, make excuses for what is obvious, hope for change, and sometimes forget about ourselves.

In this book, I have gathered 31 honest pieces of advice based on my personal experience, observations, and life lessons. This is not theory, nor is it an idealized story about how to live the right way. It is an honest conversation about what women often keep silent about, but what is essential to discuss.

This book will help you pause and look at your life from the outside. Ask yourself important questions. Notice the red flags in time. Learn to value yourself, your feelings, and your boundaries. And, perhaps, avoid repeating the mistakes that once cost me time, energy, and pain.

I cannot live your life for you. But I can share what I have come to understand myself.

Read. Think. Listen to yourself.

And if even one of my 31 pieces of advice helps you make a different choice, preserve yourself, or avoid pain, then this book was not written in vain.

Let's begin…

Why do we wait for readiness to appear, to dare to leave a job, a destructive relationship with a boyfriend or husband, or move to another city, while months and years pass in this waiting?

When I make a decision, I move forward, I start doing. I don't wait for readiness. Readiness is my choice. It sounds so simple, yet for how many years did I deceive myself with the illusion that I wasn't ready yet, to "wait"? When you decide to act and you are already ready, but the people around you and even your own inner critic keep insisting, "Wait, it's not time yet, you haven't built up your strength, you haven't pumped up your confidence, you haven't saved up enough resources," doubt and fear set in, a state of internal resistance before taking action.

Yet I understand more and more deeply: readiness is not a magical state that descends upon you like an epiphany or grace. It is an act. It is a willful click in the mind: "I choose this path, and all other options fall away."

Many people think readiness is when things feel easy, when fears have vanished, when your skin tingles with anticipation. But that is a lie sold to us by movies and social media. Real readiness is born the exact moment you say "yes" and can no longer say "no," because something has snapped into place inside.

That is precisely how we keep waiting for that very "readiness": when we dare to leave a job, a destructive relationship with a boyfriend or husband, or move to another city. Months and years pass in this waiting. We wait for this state as if it will arrive on its own, like the weather. But it is not a state; it is a choice. Readiness is a decision made. As soon as you tell yourself "I am ready," you are already ready to change your attitude toward yourself: to quit drinking, stop smoking, take up exercise, learn foreign languages, stop associating with people who drain your energy, and so on. If you are ready to choose that, you simply take the step and decide: "From this moment on, I do not compare myself to anyone, I do not waste time and energy scrolling through other people's social networks, and I do not discuss other people's lives." Create your own readiness. And that's all. Period. No "I'll try," no "we'll see." There is only "I do."

And this "I'm waiting", that is "I'm waiting for resources." I'm waiting until I have enough strength, enough spirit, enough inner resolve to take this step. I'm waiting until I stop pitying myself, making excuses, sliding back into the past, and sifting through old grievances and traumas.

Yet here is the paradox: spirit does not come from waiting. Spirit comes from action. From the first step, even if it's clumsy, even if your knees are shaking with fear.

When I first moved to the capital with a single small suitcase of cheap clothes, I carried a sacred conviction: if you work hard and remain a good person, life will inevitably be fair. With a master's degree in mathematics under my belt, I was brilliant at explaining logic to people and bringing order to any chaos, yet I turned out to be completely helpless when facing my own life. I knew formulas and logarithms, but I didn't know how to say "no" in time and defend my boundaries. In the end, I spent years in relationships where I was merely convenient, racked up debts with a fifteen-year mortgage and a loan for a failed business, and poured my energy into a job where I was devalued.

It was a long existence in survival mode, where every morning began with a heavy weight in my chest and a clammy despair. I kept promising myself that everything would change on Monday, only to wake up again in the same emptiness and pain. Only after hitting my own rock bottom did I realize the main thing: the source of my suffering was not in external circumstances, but inside myself. Sometimes life intentionally breaks us and brings us to our knees so that we finally stand back up as someone else. It took uniting rigorous mathematical logic, spiritual wisdom, and energy work to pull myself out of that dead end and make the principal choice: to stop suffering and start choosing myself.

Taking responsibility for your destiny is not a one-time heroic deed or a glamorous breakthrough you read about in books. It is a daily, painstaking choice not to betray yourself today and not to let yourself fade away again. Responsibility is the only source of real footing beneath your feet: when you tell yourself, "I influence things, I decide, and therefore, I am alive." You don't have to wait for that praised inner spirit to appear or for all fears to vanish. You simply get up in the morning and take one concrete action without any guarantees, stepping right over familiar self-pity and old resentments.

Begin changing with the simple things, shifting how you see yourself directly sparks inner transformations. Taking care of your body, wearing a beautiful dress, putting on makeup, this isn't superficial silliness; it's a clear signal to your own subconscious: "I am investing in myself, I deserve more." When you look in the mirror and see a well-groomed woman, your posture changes, your voice changes, and your very actions change. Add mental growth to this: learn new things, read, master skills, take courses. When the brain is occupied with growth, it simply has no time left to revolve around insecurities and past traumas. With every new version of yourself, you begin to respect yourself that much more.

All my life lessons, hardships, and financial failures were not a punishment, they became the fuel that forced me to search for the next step and build my own clear structure. When a clear plan appears before your eyes,"first A, then B",the chaos recedes, and confidence takes its place. Stop choosing pain as your familiar script. Self-esteem and readiness for change do not materialize out of thin air; they grow out of regular actions and inner dialogue. True wholeness is not the conviction that you are perfect; it is the solid state of: "I have myself, I am on my own side, and I choose my life."

And here, for this spirit to appear, two things are needed. First, it has to be trained, every single day, through every little thing. By doing what feels scary, but is important. By saying "no" where you used to say "yes." By choosing yourself when the whole world is screaming, "Be convenient." Second, you must understand your goals, not abstract ones, but concrete, almost tangible ones. What are you doing this for? When you have a clear goal, it becomes a beacon. Ask yourself: what do you want to lose weight for? For a number on the scale? Or so that you feel lightness in your body, so that you can look in the mirror and smile, so that you like yourself, not to please others? What are you giving up sweets for? For your health? For energy? So that you don't collapse into shame after every pastry? And why do you want to move? For the sake of a new city? Or for that state of freedom where you choose your own route, your own morning, your own neighbors? For what state of being? I’m not talking about things, or status, or "that's what everyone does." I'm talking about your inner state: how do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? How do you want to breathe? How do you want to feel your body, your heart, your skin? For what state of being do you want to leave a man? Not for loneliness, but to stop curling up into a tight ball every time he walks into the room. To feel your worth without his approval. How do you want to feel, free, whole, alive?

You need to close your eyes and imagine this state, when you have already merged with this decision, when it has become your flesh. Picture every detail: where you are, what you see outside the window, who is beside you, what you are wearing, how your laughter sounds. Once you live through this inside, everything else becomes mere steps. Mechanics. From there, your legs carry you on their own; from there, motivation rises on its own, like wind filling sails. As soon as your brain understands, "Yes, you need this; your state of being there is better than your state of being here," it stops sabotaging you. It brings all its resources online, begins looking for opportunities instead of obstacles. Everything else is simply a sequence of actions, everyday life, a schedule. Mechanics. And mechanics, as we know, obey the one who knows where she is going.

It is important that you simply explain to yourself, on the level of your state of being, that you are the one choosing this, not your mother, not your friends, not social expectations. When a choice comes from within, from this image of future happiness, it becomes incredibly powerful. And then there is no longer any need to wait until you "ripen." You already ripened the moment you saw that picture and said, "I want this."

When the Basics Are Covered or Money Simply Appears, We Want Only One Thing: To Rest.

For a woman to grow and develop, she needs safety. This statement, which I often hear from coaches, psychologists, and men who want to "provide a secure base," holds a profound truth, but only half of one. It is based on the idea that true feminine energy is love, creativity, care, and acceptance. And that is indeed true: in conditions of chronic stress, when a woman is forced to survive, to fight for the basics, her creative potential shrivels like a flower in a drought. Where have you ever seen an artist capable of painting masterpieces under stress? Or a woman who can raise a child with tenderness and patience when there is a war raging inside her? Under stress, aggression, irritation, and anger always awaken, defensive mechanisms that keep tenderness from unfolding.

When you are in survival mode, any attempts to change your life in one fell swoop fail. A genuine sense of safety and inner grounding is not built through heroic feats or abrupt leaps. Responsibility for your life begins with small things: getting up in the morning and taking one concrete action that serves as an expression of loyalty to yourself. This isn't about instantly becoming boundlessly happy or turning your world upside down overnight. It is a simple, daily choice, not to fade away, not to betray your feelings, and to maintain your minimum level of regularity. It is precisely this tiny, but constant responsibility that returns to you the essential feeling: "I have a say, I influence my day, and therefore, I am alive."

The most direct and accessible way to shift your state and raise your self-esteem is to change the way you see yourself. Start with your appearance, with the simplest physical contact with yourself. Dressing up, putting on makeup, taking care of your body, this isn't about shallowness or wanting to please someone on the outside. It is a direct signal to your own psyche: "I have myself, I am valuable, I invest in myself." When you look in the mirror and see not a tormented, exhausted woman, but a beautiful, vibrant individual, your inner self-image shifts. You begin to stand differently, move differently, breathe differently, and you allow yourself to want more, because external changes set deep internal transformations into motion.

You don't need to take on too much and try to rewrite your entire life in three days, that will only burn through whatever energy you have left. It is enough to start with a single habit that becomes your honest conversation with yourself. For instance, get a notebook and write down your real state of being every day, along with your fears, desires, and conclusions. Once, I started writing without any gigantic goal, I simply poured out onto paper what was inside me, my experiences and observations. I couldn't even imagine that my books would grow out of these sincere notes. A small action taken today out of honesty with yourself is capable of leading you to results you don't even dare dream of right now.

Self-respect does not appear after external success, it becomes the cause of it. Stop devaluing your path and comparing your pace to anyone else's. When you feel that the old script of anxiety or the fear of loneliness is trying to wash over you and throw you off course again, stop. Interrupt the automatic action, take a deep breath, return to your body: feel your feet on the floor, warm your hands, take slow sips of water. Speak aloud or to yourself what you are experiencing right now, and ask yourself, just as you would ask your best friend: "What would be an expression of true self-respect right now?"

Your wholeness is not destroyed by a single wrong choice or the "wrong" person beside you; it is eroded by small, almost imperceptible compromises with yourself. It begins to crack where you agree to an inner bargain, patiently silence the signals of your intuition, and choose to preserve contact with another at the cost of losing contact with yourself. But when you find true grounding within, relationships cease to be an attempt to plug a hole in your soul or to fill yourself up at someone else's expense. They become a space where two whole people share their fullness, inspire each other, and grow together, without shrinking or diminishing themselves.

For a woman to exist in her nature and to earn precisely through her feminine nature (that is, through inspiration, attraction, and co-creation), she needs her safety secured. When basic needs are met, a roof over her head, food, the ability not to worry about tomorrow, support, it is like good soil. But here is the interesting thing: often, when a woman finds this safety, marries a wealthy husband, receives an inheritance, moves to a peaceful place, she suddenly doesn't want to do anything at all. She doesn't rush out to create, doesn't start her own business, doesn't write books. She freezes. And this contradicts the myth that if you give a woman safety, she will instantly "flutter," shine, and begin realizing her talents. No.

Why does this happen? Because very few women truly realize that it is possible to grow out of safety. Most of us have spent our whole lives proving something, struggling, overcoming. We grew used to living on adrenaline, on scarcity, on "must." And when this scarcity suddenly vanishes, emptiness sets in. We don't know what to do with ourselves. We are exhausted, not just in body, but in soul. The energy is gone; we burned out before we even started. And when we get married, when the basics are covered, or when money simply appears, we want only one thing: to rest. To lie on the couch, watch TV shows, not think about breakfast, not rush anywhere. And that is absolutely normal! It isn't laziness, and it isn't weakness, it is exhaustion.

That is why so often women, and I was just the same, did things, of course, but not so that they dedicated themselves every day to the family, to their first husband. I just wanted to be. And very often, a woman wants to focus on homemaking and family for a long time, if she was never fulfilled there. Because first, she needs to satisfy her hunger for what was once forbidden. She needs to be given the chance to realize herself there, to be a wife, to be a homemaker, to feel the taste of coziness. And only later, once she realizes she has "played that out," once that stage is completed, can she be allowed to redirect her energy toward something new.

These are stages, phases, like steps on a staircase. You cannot skip over rest and instantly plunge into ambitious projects. It doesn't work like this: "Give a woman both money and freedom, and she will run off to realize her creativity." No. Very often, a woman will lie down on the couch and just stay there, restoring her nervous system; after a while, she will breathe out and, perhaps for the first time, wonder: "What is it that I truly want? Not my family, not my husband, me?" And these realizations arrive slowly, like the first rays of sun after a long winter. They take time. And coming to this conclusion, finding what you can create out of love rather than obligation, can take years.

Yet it is so important not to give up, and throughout all this time to keep searching, listening, trying small steps, not for an outcome, but for joy. Buy something for your hobby; sign up for a sport or dance class and just move; write down your thoughts or a poem and show it to no one; read about what interests you and inspires you toward a new endeavor or a project of your own. Do not think that this is "it", that a man has covered all your needs and now you have to go into some complicated business to justify your existence. No. If all your basic needs are met, it means the world has granted you the right to breathe out. That is all. You don't need to run. You don't need to prove anything. You can exhale and take this time, sacred, belonging to no one else, to find that resource, that niche, those financial opportunities that you will be able to realize precisely from your feminine potential, from the state of "I am, I am already valuable, and I create from fullness, not from a hole."

This is the true feminine path, not a race, but a return to yourself. And safety is merely a springboard, not the goal. The goal is that very inner picture that glows when you close your eyes and know: "I came here to be happy." And what follows are the steps, the mechanics, life itself. And it is beautiful.

Self-Esteem Is Born Not from Correcting Weaknesses, but from Cultivating Strength

When you stop frantically correcting your so-called "weaknesses" and begin relying on what is already within you, the first profound shifts occur. Stopping the urge to dig into what isn't coming together yet and allowing yourself to use your own outlook on life is a colossal liberation. For a long time, an ingrained fear lived inside me: being left without resources, failing to reach the goals I had set, remaining unfulfilled. This trigger literally wiped out any self-confidence and blocked the possibility of showing up freely in the world, forcing me to shrink in anticipation of inevitable ruin. But the truth is that inner grounding is created not out of an internal war, but out of permission to trust your own worth right now.

It took me time to realize one of the primary, illusory myths: money on its own does not shift us to a new level of inner being; it changes only the scale, not the quality of our lived experience itself. When my income abruptly multiplied within a matter of months, I genuinely expected a new state of being to ignite inside me automatically. Yet I continued living in the exact same internal feeling. The need for joy and self-care, whether a massage, dinner, or a warm breakfast with friends, should not depend on the numbers in a bank account; only the frequency of these pleasures changes, never the right to have them. Happiness is not a reward for reaching financial peaks; it is a daily internal permission to feel abundance in the simple things you already possess today.

For a very long time, like many women, I lived in a mode of endless survival and fear. You wake up in the morning, and inside is heaviness, accumulated exhaustion, and a background expectation of trouble. When you grow accustomed to expecting pain, it feels as though it is safer that way: if you stay on guard in advance, the blow won't catch you unawares. But this state exhausts the soul to the limit. The transition from grueling survival to conscious choice begins the moment you honestly admit: the cause of this pain and constriction lies within, not in the external world. Life may seem to bring you to your knees, but only so that you finally rise up transformed, a woman who no longer chooses a suffering existence.

True strength and the unfolding of feminine potential reveal themselves when we learn to relax and receive support without a frantic sense of obligation. When safety and care appear beside you, the greatest challenge is to allow yourself to receive them without fearing the loss of your independence and without waiting for the moment everything collapses. Instead of the habitual urge to prove you are right or retreat into stone-wall defense, you suddenly ask yourself an entirely new question: "What do I want right now, to prove I am right, or to preserve closeness and peace?" It is through such a choice, through quiet steps toward yourself from a place of fullness rather than a deep inner hole, that true wholeness and the joy of being are born.

The best way to raise your self-esteem is to stop focusing on what you aren't good at and start focusing on your strengths. I know this sounds cliché, but how many times have we neglected this simple rule! Most people spend their whole lives trying to fight their flaws, as if weeding a garden, while forgetting to water the flowers that have already sprouted. Yet perfect people do not exist, and never will. But from childhood it was drilled into our heads: "You must be better, work on your mistakes, fix your weak spots." And we run to fix them.

If someone tells you, "Oh, you don't know how to roller-skate",cut to the quick, you go and spend vast amounts of time trying to learn to skate, because it wounded you so deeply, because someone dared to doubt your worth. And you spend years proving to this person (or to yourself) that you aren't clumsy or inadequate. But in this race, you lose your real talents, the ones given to you by nature as your unique code. If you have a talent, say, for playing tennis, playing like no one else, with genuine interest, an understanding of technique, and a feeling of love for the game, why do you need to be a ten out of ten in every direction? Why do you need to roller-skate if you can become a great athlete who might go on to become a coach and train hundreds of people?

And if you hate cooking, don’t cook. You don’t need to spend decades learning to cook, forcing yourself to stand at the stove and rereading recipes just to become a homemaker, all to no avail. Of course, you will learn if push comes to shove, survival will force your hand, but you won't have that drive, that fire, that talent. You’ll be doing it through sheer force, which means your energy will drain into nowhere, and the result will be mediocre. But imagine what would happen if you took your strengths and started going all out on them, giving them everything you’ve got: investing fully, developing them, deepening them, turning them into your signature thing, your brand. Then your self-esteem would reach incredible heights, because you would see your successes every single day. Finances will come, recognition will come, money will come, not because you suffered through and forced them out, but because you are doing what you are naturally good at. And you will do all of this with joy, with ease, as if you were playing a game. But when the battle with yourself begins, when you try to be "proper" instead of "alive",all the results go down the drain. They exist, but they are hollow, without a soul. So stop rummaging through your flaws like an old purse. Take a sheet of paper, write down your top five talents, and ask yourself: "What did I do today to awaken them?" And do this every single day. That is the path to genuine, unshakable self-esteem that doesn't depend on other people’s evaluations.

Independence and Adaptability Are What You Can Level Up to Make Yourself Invincible

My main advice to all women: train the muscle of independence and adaptability. As soon as you learn to handle everything new with absolute composure, as soon as you stop fearing the unknown, as soon as you can dive into all this novelty without that inner cry of "God, what if I go abroad and lose my ticket? What if my phone shatters? What if I can't find my way?",you will become invincible. Not merely confident, but truly invincible, because external circumstances will cease to be a threat to you. They will become mere scenery that you can change at will.

Many girls want to pump up their self-esteem, figure out how to make money somehow, reach a high position, but they miss the most important thing: adaptability isn’t the skill of "bending to others," but the skill of adapting quickly to any environment. Just train your ability to adjust rapidly to everything new. That is the highest art of survival and growth.

The world will never be stable. The rules change every second. Technology, markets, people, crises, it is all chaos. And you have only two choices:

1. Cling to the old and pray that the storm passes you by.

2. Become water.

Remember how we were taught in school: the teacher's red pen boldly underlined every smudge, every slip-up. They drilled this "error correction" deep into our heads, as if our entire worth were simply the sum of corrected mistakes. But in life, there is no such "red pen," and no one is going to give you a medal for agonizing over and fixing your weakness. We constantly compare our inner state to someone else's glossy exterior, dooming ourselves to lose from the start. An alien voice has settled inside, insisting: "You aren't good enough, you need to pull yourself up more." That is not your voice, it is the echo of teachers, parents, and other people's expectations. But perfection does not guarantee love. It brings only one thing: an endless race toward an unrealistic standard, and utter exhaustion.

True self-esteem is not narcissistic chatter like "I'm better than everyone else," nor is it a dependence on outside praise where you feel like a zero without external approval. It is a solid awareness of your strengths and a calm acceptance of your weaknesses without drama or catastrophe. It is a deep respect for yourself: yes, I can get tired; yes, I have bad days; yes, I have the right to make a mistake. It is the ability to notice your own personal progress and not hand over your worth to the judgment of other people's opinions.

When you stop fighting your flaws and start investing time in what brings you genuine joy, everything changes. Answer yourself honestly: where does your strength lie? Are you good at listening, explaining, organizing, creating, or analyzing? Don’t be modest! What seems elementary to you is a rare talent to someone else. Go deeper into it, take masterclasses, find your community, and turn your skill into your personal signature. That is when you stop being "one of many" and become that very unique woman with her own style and authority.

For a long time, I was stuck in that same fear of ending up penniless, failing to fulfill my dreams, completely crashing. Because of that, my self-esteem was at zero, and it simply held me back from showing up in the world. I lived with the illusion: "Once I make a lot of money, that's when I'll start living." But when my income multiplied several times over within a couple of months, no magical transformation happened in my soul. Yes, I could afford expensive jewelry and premium self-care, but my inner state remained the same. Money does not change the quality of life; it only changes the scale.

Happiness is not about getting more; it is about giving yourself permission to be happy right now with what you have. I always treated myself to simple things, dinner with friends or a massage, I just varied the frequency. And that very permission is what triggers real change. When the subconscious understands that your basic security won't collapse from external storms, that true adaptability is born. You no longer tremble before the unknown. You become water, flowing through any crisis and through whatever scenery the world presents.

Being adaptable means not waiting for the environment to change to suit you, but staying ahead of it. It means: you fell, you got up in a different way. It didn't work the old way, you came up with a new move. You lost everything, you found opportunities where others see ruins.

Remember: all great discoveries, all breakthroughs happened precisely at the crossroads of change. Those who fear the new remain in the past. Those who run toward the unknown write history.

Your adaptability is the mindset of a winner. It gives you freedom: you are not tethered to a place, to people, or to patterns. You are wherever there is a challenge. And you always come out ahead, because you turn any twist of fate into your springboard. Don't be afraid of looking awkward in a new environment. Be afraid of remaining rigid in a world that is hurtling forward.

Be fluid. Be fast. Be adaptable. And then no change will break you, it will only temper you and lead you to places you never even dreamed of reaching.

How do you do this in practice?

Start right now: ask yourself, "What would I do differently if I could adapt instantly?" And do it. Don’t wait for big changes. Start small: go to new workout classes, even if they feel scary and unfamiliar. Try new sports, yoga, dancing, rock climbing, anything, so long as your body and mind learn not to freeze, but to tune into a new rhythm. Go to new places, not the usual park, but the neighboring woods, an unfamiliar neighborhood, a gallery you never noticed before. Switch up your routes to work, even if it seems silly, take a different path, look at different shop windows, let new images into your mind. Step into new stores, new restaurants where people speak another language or serve unfamiliar dishes. Talk to new people, not just the two friends you feel comfortable with, but a colleague from another department, your next-door neighbor, the barista, a foreigner in line.

All of this is a departure from stability, a voluntary step out of your comfort zone. It is precisely in these moments that an agile mind, an adaptable psyche, and a lively curiosity are trained. And you stop being afraid of losing your stability, because you are building the skill and the capacity to take root anywhere, very quickly. Picture this: you have arrived in a new country where everything is unfamiliar, the language, the food, the rules, the people. But instead of panicking, you switch on your well-trained reflex: “Oh, something new! Let’s figure this out.” You find new people, you strike up conversations, you build connections, you learn how the system works. And within a couple of days, you realize that this whole world lies open in the palm of your hand; it yields to you, it isn’t terrifying, it’s just different. But if you shut yourself up in your apartment with the curtains drawn, talk to only two people, and walk the very same paths, then of course everything feels terrifying, and any call from a stranger makes you tremble. That isn’t because you are weak; it is simply that your muscle of independence and adaptability is untrained. But you can build that muscle! Every single day, even if it is just by choosing a new soap for the shower or reading a book from a different genre. Begin, and in a month you will be amazed at how easily you handle things that used to spark panic. You will become someone who isn’t afraid of losing her job, her home, or her relationship, because you know you can create anew wherever you end up. That is true freedom.

Procrastination and Apathy: A Cry from the Soul That You Are Living Someone Else’s Life

What do you do when you have no strength left, when procrastination is constant, when every day feels like a battle, and you cannot drag yourself off the couch? All you want to do is slack off, run from your responsibilities, get lost scrolling on social media, or just stare at the ceiling. You drag yourself up by the hair like a stubborn goat just to get anything done at all, but every single action takes sheer force of will, clenched teeth, and deep internal resistance. There is one simple phrase for this: you are living someone else’s life. Your soul has already checked out, and your body is merely dragging along on momentum. And to change this, you have to stop and take an honest, unvarnished look: what in this life actually brings you pleasure? If there are very few such moments, if the vast majority of your actions are an exhausting obligation draining you to the point of emptiness, then the answer is obvious.

Why do you cling to what bleeds you dry? Your brain is programmed for survival, not for your spiritual growth or joy. To the brain, a familiar environment always feels safer than a foggy future, even if that routine has been suffocating you for a long time. This is the typical status quo effect: a woman clings for years to a loveless relationship, goes to an exhausting job, and lives by the well-worn loop of “home, work, TV, sleep.” It seems to you like safety, but that kind of stability quickly turns into a stifling cage. Real growth begins the exact moment you break the autopilot.

You might feed yourself the illusion that you can’t make it without someone else propping you up, or that you will lose everything at the very first step. But the true obstacle is a lack of trust in your own strength. In psychology, a person’s belief in her ability to handle life’s challenges is called self-efficacy. This confidence is forged in battle: every time you navigate a crisis, your body and mind absorb a simple fact: “I am capable of adapting and building everything from scratch.” The meaning of your presence here is not determined by the number of years spent in one comfortable armchair, but by the depth of your lived experience and the totality of your presence.

Stop endlessly picking over your mistakes and trying to measure up to other people’s standards. You have your own internal compass; just give yourself permission to lean on it. Many people live in constant anxiety, as if everything is on the verge of collapse, believing they will only be able to relax once big money appears. But finances can change the scale of your consumption, not your inner fulfillment. If you don’t allow yourself basic pleasures, a massage, dinner out, or a cozy breakfast, on a modest budget, sharp joy won’t arrive with millions, either. Scientific research confirms that after a spike in income, a person’s sense of happiness quickly returns to its baseline. And throw out the foolish superstition that living well requires finding a wealthy man, while only unattractive women have to work hard. Your worth is not measured in numbers.

Look at how this approach plays out in practice. When an old profession loses relevance, a blinkered person panics and clings to what has run its course. An adaptable woman, on the other hand, turns on her lively curiosity, says, “Interesting, let’s master something new!”,and finds other niches. When a relationship ends, you can spend years living on memories, or you can grieve the pain, move through it, and learn something new. And in finances, during a crisis, a flexible mind looks for alternative sources of income, while an unadaptable one weeps for bygone days.

Once you have mastered the micro-steps, move on to more tangible changes. Head off to an unfamiliar city for the weekend without any detailed itinerary, just buy into the adventure. Go to a lecture or a workshop where there isn’t a single familiar soul, and strike up a conversation with a neighbor on the landing, a colleague from another wing, or a barista. Sign up for a course in an unfamiliar field, or start your own channel despite the sticky fear of publicity. This expands your boundaries and teaches you to act freely amid uncertainty.

Picture a morning: waking up when the alarm clock rings, hated like an enemy; putting on clothes not because you want to, but because they are “there” and “don’t matter if they get ruined”; riding in a packed subway car or shuttle bus where you are jostled around, breathing someone else’s smell; going to a job that hasn’t brought you joy or meaning for three years now; dragging the kids to a daycare you didn't choose. You yourself, with your own hands, are making your life into total hell and a nightmare. And of course you don’t want to wake up into that kind of “hell”! Your body is wiser than you: it says, “Why get up if there’s nothing there but suffering?” And when you don’t want to wake up into a life like that, you have no resources to work, earn money, be successful, or care for others. That is where procrastination comes from, it isn’t laziness; it is protection. It is a way to preserve the remnants of psychological energy so you don’t lose your mind from pointlessness.

Understand this: procrastination is not an enemy, but a friend screaming, “Stop! You’re going the wrong way!” And instead of beating yourself up for it, listen. Ask yourself: “What would I do if I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone? If I had enough money not to work, what kind of work would I do?” Give yourself an honest answer. You might realize that you are living in the wrong body: maybe you dreamed of being an artist, but you work as an accountant; maybe you wanted to live by the sea, but you’re sitting in a gray city; maybe you are beside the wrong person, someone who doesn't see you and doesn't hear you. And then you need to change absolutely everything. Don't be afraid, change it. Life should not look like hard labor. Yes, it can be difficult; yes, you have to work and overcome obstacles in it, but you do it with genuine joy, from a place of fullness rather than a sense of duty. You do what you want, what you choose, what you love. And when you begin to build your days around small joys, around your true desires, your energy will return. Start with at least something small: choose clothes you like, not just what is “comfortable”; make a breakfast you love, not just what is “quick”; set aside half an hour a day for what inspires you, a cappuccino in an aesthetic spot, learning a language, reading, a walk, sports, dancing. And gradually you will step out of the prison of “must” into the freedom of “want.” And then no procrastination will dare touch you, because you will have an internal engine more powerful than any habit of slacking off. You deserve a life you want to wake up to. And you can create it. Start today.

You Have an Ocean of Energy, You’re Just Draining It into Ditches

People's biggest delusion is: "I don't have any energy." That is a lie you sell to yourself like a cheap substitute. In reality, you have a great deal of energy. We all have a colossal, unimaginable amount of it. Quite the opposite: you do not know how to handle it, how to direct this powerful stream, and so you deliberately drain it away. You drain it wastefully, like water from a burst pipe, slipping into a deficit, into apathy, into chronic exhaustion. Because energy cannot bear stagnation, it either flows into action, or it destroys everything around it, including you.

You drain this colossal energy precisely because you have dragged yourself along in survival mode for years. You wake up in the morning with that habitual heaviness inside, promising yourself over and over that starting tomorrow everything will truly be different, but you let your hands drop once more amidst the exact same ruins. A breakup, financial uncertainty, crushing loneliness, or the forced necessity to constantly stay strong, you have grown used to living through this pain alone, exhausting yourself to the very last drop. But the truth is that the cause of this endless melancholy and despair does not lie in external circumstances. It sits inside you: in your own agreement to live in pain and choose someone else’s "must" instead of your own "want."

Remember how often you drain your strength simply because you do not know how to protect your boundaries. The biggest mistake you make again and again is to change your mind and give up ground after you have already said "no." People applied pressure, manipulated you, took offense, and you concede once more, teaching everyone around you that your decision is worth nothing. Your refusal is neither selfishness nor rudeness. Try to see in every firm "no" an act of pure self-love and the defense of that little girl inside you who is utterly driven to exhaustion and needs your shelter. Hold your ground, even if the earth gives way beneath your feet from guilt, because only then will you stop this drain of resources.

Stop standing among the ruins and endlessly rehashing survival questions in your head. The moment has come to move to questions of choice, to stop choosing suffering and learn to live from wholeness. Your rebirth will not happen by magic in a single second; it is a consistent path that demands time, energy, and your uncompromising intention. But as soon as you give yourself this map and bring order, first regaining your own footing, and then building healthy connections with the world, the sinking chaos gives way to clear structure. You stop dissolving into others and finally begin doing what fills *you*.

When you return to yourself and find this inner footing, you become a truly whole woman. In this state, the feverish fear of ending up alone disappears, along with the foolish need to cling to someone just to plug the inner void. You no longer need to adjust to others' expectations, shrink yourself, or betray your boundaries just to be chosen. Real choice, relationships, and life itself become not hard labor that saps your last strength, but a natural, calm, and honest continuation of your own fullness.

For example, you have an inner desire to do something. To create some business project that has long been ripening in your head; to make something with your hands, sewing, whittling, sculpting; to keep a vegetable garden, pottering about with soil and plants; to put the household in order, or even to move to a new city where everything will start from a clean slate. This desire churns inside you; it gives you strength, it gets you up in the morning. But you are afraid to do it. Why? Because you want stability, the familiar swamp where everything is predictable, even if it is gray and stifling. You are afraid of losing this illusory footing, afraid to step into the unknown, where you could make a mistake, lose face, lose money, lose time. And because of this fear, you begin to think feverishly: "Where can I drain this energy? Where can I put it so I don't explode from the tension?" You do not dare do what is truly important, it carries too much responsibility, demands too much total commitment. And you begin looking for something to do that will give you, right now, this very second, at least some pleasure, at least some illusion of fulfillment. You start endlessly scrolling through videos in the evenings, like a zombie; watching TV series that leave you with nothing but emptiness the next morning; seeking out adventures, buying a bottle of wine or other alcohol to "unwind"; going out somewhere to "party," maybe even finding a guy for one night, anything to drown out the inner call. And what do you do? You drain all your precious fuel right there, all that life force that could have built your empire, written a book, grown a garden, created something. You pick a fight with someone on the street over nonsense, or with your partner, without even realizing it, subconsciously provoking a conflict just to vent this heat somewhere. That is, a tremendous amount of energy is spent on squabbles, on fears, on alcohol, on sweets, on overeating, on bad habits, on grueling "toil",on activities you do not actually need that only complicate your life. You complicate your own life! For what? To avoid doing what could make your life easier, simpler, brighter, more joyful. Because you simply do not know what to do with all this energy, divine, almost unbearable in its power, that comes to you every day: with every morning, with every breath, with every moment. You do not know how to accept it, how to direct it, how to trust it. You think that if you allow yourself this power, it will tear you apart. But in reality, it will only lift you up. Stop draining it into the gutter, start digging a riverbed. Let it flow to where you are real, where your soul wants to manifest itself. And then energy will cease to be a problem and will become your primary fuel.

Happiness Is Not in Money, but in Your State. BUT. Money Comes from Your State

When I had a sharp financial leap and my income multiplied several times over in literally just a few months, I devoutly believed that everything inside would turn upside down. It seemed that along with the new figures, unknown emotions and a completely different plane of existence would arrive. But that did not happen: my internal state remained precisely the same, even though I began allocating my budget differently and buying expensive jewelry. Money does not change the quality of life; it merely increases its scale. I realized the core truth: even during periods of modest income, I never cut back on my basic needs for joy. If my body asked for a massage or my soul demanded a beautiful breakfast with girlfriends, I went and did it; only the frequency changed. Happiness does not lie in acquiring more, but in permitting yourself to be happy right now, with what you already have.

To let this resource into your life, you must stop feeling sorry for yourself and seeking salvation from the outside. Walk up to the mirror, look right into your own eyes without running from that gaze, and ask honestly: "Do I like where I am going?" Touch your hands, feel your body, not for dry criticism, but to restore honesty to yourself and ask whether you give yourself basic care. Stop feeding pity, for it becomes a sticky trap where a person finds only endless excuses for their immobility. Stop wasting your strength on blaming the people who caused you pain; as long as you store up resentments, you voluntarily surrender your power to them.

I too had moments when it seemed that everything around me was crumbling. When I opened my first business, and then my second, things went completely off the ideal script. There were painful mistakes, wrong steps, and the hardest periods when my hands fell in despair. But I did not stop; I pushed forward, and today I already have my third business, and every past failure turned out to be an invaluable part of the path. Mistakes are not a sentence; they are a tool for growth, provided you take responsibility for yourself and take at least one small step.

Do not try to turn your entire life upside down in a single day, you will simply burn out from the tension. Start with a single habit, making it an unshakable part of your day. For me, a simple writing practice became a lifeline: I began pouring out onto paper my anxieties, fears, true desires, and hidden lessons. I just wrote out everything boiling inside me, without even suspecting that these diary entries would over time grow into my books. Begin having this honest conversation with yourself, and you will see how a small daily action is capable of paving the road to an entirely new future.

A crisis, the fear of being left without money, of not earning enough, of failing to realize your goals and dreams, of falling short of the heights you mapped out for yourself. These are such familiar, sticky fears that sit in the back of the mind of nearly every one of us. When I began earning more, I cannot objectively say that my life changed radically. Even though my income grew four, six, eight times over, the numbers changed, but did I? When I analyzed why that happened, I realized: I had simply started putting more money aside, distributing it differently. But there was no sudden switch where I would say, "Oh Lord, finally!" And, of course, I bought myself things, grounded some of the funds, that is wonderful and pleasant. But I never restricted my needs, even when I had a modest income, I still went to the esthetician, got massages, worked out, ate delicious food at restaurants, because my body and mind needed it. And now, if I have a need to have a beautiful breakfast by myself or go out with girlfriends for dinner or a get-together, I do it regardless of income. It is only a matter of frequency: if my income went down a little, I simply went to restaurants less often, but I still went, I still relaxed, I still rested. And simple things bring me joy, a cappuccino with a beautiful view, meeting a friend, getting my nails done, a compliment.

And here is what is very important to realize: life transforms and truly begins to develop and change the moment your subconscious, your deep inner self, realizes that radical changes, whatever they may be, do not determine the fullness of your life. After all, it, your life, is already packed, already full, if you allow yourself to feel it. I have lived my whole life as though I have a lot of money. It is not about luxury, but about a sense of freedom. People used to ask me, "You are beautiful, but what about an un-beautiful woman?" It sounds funny, but in reality there are no beautiful or un-beautiful women; there are well-groomed and neglected women, there are radiant/cheerful/kind women and dark/sad/angry ones. And a man's serious choice is choosing us for our inner state, not for our beauty. There is an association that "being beautiful" means being dependent, being an ornament for a man who provides. But I always lived like an "un-beautiful" woman in the sense that I never banked solely on my looks, never waited for someone to hand me life on a silver platter. I live in such a way that even when I was in great relationships, I always looked for ways to earn money on my own. Not because I feared being left without big money, I never had that fear. But I was always under the illusion: "The world will provide, God will provide." I lived like that my whole life. But it doesn't always work that way, as the saying goes, "Trust in God, but row to shore." And today I am not like that: I see structure, I respect money more, I understand responsibility, especially when you live in an expensive city, far from home, from your parents. I understand the full gravity of what is happening, which is why I cannot treat money completely lightly. Now I have a planning structure inside me, and that is wonderful. If it had appeared earlier, I would have been even more successful. But it wasn't there, it has appeared now, and thank God, I have grown financially, but first and foremost, mentally.

Realize this deep psychological truth: a sharp surge in income does not bring lasting, euphoric happiness. Psychological research clearly confirms what I arrived at through personal experience: a few months after a financial leap, the brain adapts to the new level of consumption, the sharp joy fades, and the emotional baseline returns to its previous mark. If you did not allow yourself to relax and rejoice on a modest budget, millions in your account will not automatically make your heart flutter with happiness. Money merely expands the scale of your opportunities, but it is powerless to rewrite your inner sense of self if fear of being left with nothing reigns inside.

Change begins not at the moment your account is topped up, but when you give yourself honest permission to be happy right now. A whole woman does not wait for an ideal tomorrow. She learns to care for her psyche just as she does for her body: she notices exhaustion in time, gives herself rest, solitude, or turns to a specialist when she feels she cannot handle it on her own. There is no weakness in this, it is a manifestation of feminine maturity. All the stages, every difficult period, and every profession you go through are not mistakes, but necessary fragments of your unique mosaic.

I remember once when a friend and I were walking through the summer capital, laughing, and started dreaming out loud, painting our desires in detail. I felt it through my entire body then and said: on the fifteenth of October, I will be having dinner with my man by the ocean, and it will be deep and real. It was not an empty fantasy, it was an intention sent straight from the heart. Just a couple of weeks passed, and a man entered my life who immediately stated his intention to build a family. Everything spun forward swiftly: days together, being introduced to his world and his family, who welcomed me like one of their own. When you stop clinging and trying to prove your worth, your feminine energy attracts the best.

There were plenty of moments in my life when everything collapsed and grew painful. But it was faith in God that helped me not to give up. I asked for wisdom and strength, and felt that I was not alone. Whichever practice you choose, prayer, meditation, or time in silence, do not let the bustle drown out your inner voice. Ask yourself honest questions, check whether you have strayed from your path and begun living by other people's expectations. Wholeness teaches you to hear yourself and lean on spiritual strength.

And here is what I want to say: it is very important to give yourself the life you dream of, regardless of what your income is today. Your dream life can absolutely be yours right now, today. As soon as you shift the cause of your happiness from the future into the present, everything changes. Your state is always primary, and finances are secondary. This means you must give yourself that dream state, right now, today. You can imagine that you are already living your ideal life. I want a car, meaning, I already feel like a driver, confident and free. I want jewelry, meaning, I already wear it in my imagination, feeling its weight and brilliance. I manage money, meaning, I already feel my power over it, rather than its power over me. I do not depend on a man, meaning, I am already breathing fully as a grown, self-sufficient woman who is not afraid in this world, because I have value, and that value translates into money. It is an incredible state to be in!

I am thirty-six years old now. But back then, about eleven years ago, when I was writing my first lists of dreams, I dreamed mostly of material things: breast surgery, access to great estheticians, financial support from a man, moving to the capital permanently. Thank God, I am in a good period in my life now. Back then, I dreamed of things I could give myself, through intention, labor, and knowledge. I stepped up, focused, gathered information, moved to the capital, worked hard, healed my psyche after my first relationship, found that kind of relationship, had the breast surgery, and did so much more. It was very difficult and thorny, but faith in myself never left me. I wrote about this in my first book, *Whole*. All of it was the result of my hard work.

As long as you rely on pure luck, as long as you shift responsibility onto a man, a boyfriend, or your parents, the law of attraction does not work. Yes, you can be in a relationship where a man takes care of you and supports you financially, and that is normal. But hoping that someone else will do it for you is a mistake. Stop hoping; take everything into your own hands. When you relieve yourself of the need to take action, you make a terrible mistake. It pushes your real dream further away from you. The moment I stopped passing off all responsibility, I realized: I have to do everything within my power. Life itself will handle the rest. I do everything I can: I work on my project, I take pleasure in life, I live, and I tune my mindset so that I truly love the process and find joy in it. Along the way, my life began to bring me immense pleasure. I do not live in the future, thinking, "When I have an income, I will be happy; when I have a big business, I will be happy; when I move, I will be happy." Most days, I can stay home, take care of household chores, work on my project, write books and methodologies, edit the website, stream, learn English, and come up with articles. Yet I do not take work as a heavy burden. I changed my attitude: out of all possible kinds of work, I chose the one I genuinely enjoy doing. And I do it consistently, knowing I am ready to do it over the long haul, until I find the tools to automate the processes and create income streams that will work for me on their own. Once I automate them, I will turn to something else, because life should be lazy, dynamic, and active all at once.

When my income first skyrocketed, I genuinely expected an internal switch to flip, instantly launching me into some transcendent, cosmic dimension of existence. But my underlying state did not shift by a single iota. It turned out that money changes the scale, but it does not change the quality of how you experience the moment. I realized the most essential thing: I had never denied myself basic pleasure, even when I was counting my last rubles through my fingers. If I wanted a morning coffee in a beautiful place, a massage, an unhurried breakfast with friends, or a warm dinner, I simply went and did it; only the frequency changed. Happiness does not arrive with the zeros in your bank account. It is born the second you allow yourself to feel abundance right now, in the very body and circumstances where you are.

This same internal state also dictates who ends up by your side. For a long time, I witnessed a foolish stereotype: that a visible, self-actualized woman is either looking to be kept or is carrying everything entirely on her own, running herself ragged. But the truth is different. I remember walking with a friend down a hot summer street, laughing and beginning to speak our boldest desires out loud. Right then, straight from my body, from the deepest part of my heart, I declared that on October 15, I would be dining by the ocean with my man. It was not a dry fantasy, it sounded like absolute internal readiness. A couple of weeks later, a mature, successful man came into my life and offered me a serious relationship. We soon moved in together in the center of the capital, and his family welcomed me like one of their own. But this did not happen out of pure luck; it happened because my feminine energy had stopped clinging, begging, and trying to prove itself.

Of course, this path was not a smoothly paved road. There were moments when I lost myself in my partners, staying silent when everything inside me was seizing up and I wanted to scream and weep from loneliness. I went through futile attempts to be accommodating, "proper," and fitting just to earn love. Yet each time, walking through the pain, I returned to myself. You do not need to break yourself or become someone else to be loved. You are already worthy of everything by right of birth. And when you stop betraying your own reactions, your body relaxes, and the suffocating fear of failing to meet others' expectations gives way to pure power.

All our resets, our illogical decisions, our relocations, our search for ourselves, and even our missteps are not system failures; they are precious pieces of a single mosaic. Today, at thirty-six years old, I can say honestly: I am Ulyana, and I am WHOLE. Being yourself is neither terrifying nor shameful. Being yourself is the only true beauty. Trust this movement, stop putting off life until tomorrow, take responsibility into your own hands, and simply keep moving forward. Everything will surely fall into place.

If you have no energy, think about where you are draining it. After all, you have plenty of energy. People are afraid they will not be able to handle it, but you need to protect your energy, build it up, and direct it into your self-realization, into projects, into work. Your energy must be very expensive, because your primary resource is you. Stop thinking that happiness is out there somewhere, that someone will bring it to you. No. I recognize what a unique, remarkable person I am, and that is precisely what gives me an understanding of the depth of this life. There is no one in this world who can turn me from an unhappy person into a happy one. But there are people with whom I feel wonderful, and people with whom I feel indifferent or bad. And I choose those people. Yet I build my happiness myself. The state of happiness is my choice. Instead of suffering, I choose to be happy, and everything else flows from that choice.

I look at my old dreams, and they were mostly tied to material things; very few were about my state. Today, my dreams are predominantly about my state: feeling healthy, feeling safe, feeling needed, useful, and happy. These are our true dreams, because material things, even when you get jewelry, which is wonderful, do not fundamentally change anything. They simply reinforce my faith in what I am doing, serving as one more piece of evidence that I am on the right path. And they enter my life as the norm. You do not need to dream exclusively about them, wondering, "Why does someone else have it, and I don't?" You can attain all of it, but it will change nothing. On the contrary, if you believe that material things will make you happy, it will be deeply painful to realize they do not. That can destroy you. Therefore, to remove the blocks from your subconscious and open the paths to realizing your potential, you must first feel just how rich and influential you are in this world. Only then can you bring it into reality. And as soon as I understood: "My God, I truly am a very rich person." I am rich because I begrudge nothing.

For example, I often go to church, and I can easily take my belongings to those in need; I part with them easily. I do not attach myself to things. I can give money to loved ones who need it. I have always done this, even when, in the past, it was nearly my last money. That is why I know: if a problem already exists, I will find a way out of it faster. If you do not know how to manage money, that is merely a skill; it can be learned. But first, I realized that I am a very rich person mentally: I have an abundance of trust, warmth, light, and love. Through my state, I carry the happiness I need. And everything, the care, the support I once sought in others, is already inside me. To enjoy life, I simply need to tend to my state. As soon as my state is healthy, no bad habits, no overeating, sleeping soundly, and feeling good, I am a happy person. And from that state, I can earn, create, help, make art, and love. A simple bird, a sip of water, a single ray of sunshine will bring me joy. But if you are a billionaire and unhappy, feeling no love, no harmony with yourself or with God, feeling unhealthy, you will think that everyone wants something from you, and you will start clutching onto whatever energy you have left just to keep from dropping dead. You hold onto it, gripping it tight in your fist, instead of relaxing, letting go, and trusting this world. Relax, let go, and then that energy will pour in as an endless stream.

If Your Dream Is to Do Nothing, the World Will Not Give It to You, Because It Will Kill You

Real life does not begin with passive waiting and the illusion of absolute rest, but with constant, living movement. We often wait for the perfect moment or some special inspiration to take the first step, but true motivation does not come to those who simply sit still. It is born in the process itself. When you start doing even the smallest thing, trying something new, learning, mastering unfamiliar skills, your subconscious registers that intention. Action in itself generates energy. First, you make a simple effort; then, faith in your own strength grows firm within you, and following that, the very resource you had been seeking for so long unlocks.

Yet where do you find the strength for that first step if you feel completely drained? The answer once again lies in returning to yourself and basic care for your own body. You cannot build sweeping goals and demand grand breakthroughs from yourself while simultaneously destroying yourself from the inside out. Your body is the primary instrument through which you live each day and feel this life. Sufficient sleep, the quiet of a morning walk, a warm bath in the evening, or a digital detox without phone notifications are not luxuries or markers of idleness, but a fundamental investment in your inner state. When you allow yourself simple pleasures, going for a massage, enjoying an unhurried breakfast in a pleasant spot, or setting aside time for movement, you send a signal to your psyche: you are already safe, and your abundance is already here.

Stop draining your resources on empty conversations, endless complaints, comparing yourself to someone else’s pictures, or trying to prove your worth to people who have no need for you. Treat your energy with the same care you give your finances. After all, you would not hand your money to the first person you meet, receiving nothing in return, would you? Every toxic tie, every dragged-out discussion of other people’s problems, and every destructive habit robs you of your ability to create. Ask yourself an honest question every day: "Does what I am doing right now bring me closer to my goal, or does it move me further away?" Learn to prioritize your own interests. If you need to be alone, tend to yourself, or simply rest, tell the people around you directly.

When your state is grounded in yourself, it becomes impossible to knock you off balance. Do not wait for a savior, wonderful coincidences, grand gifts, or outside approval. Waiting always brings disappointment and makes your energy fragile. True feminine power and sexuality do not stem from revealing outfits or the desire to please men, but from a deep certainty: I am all right, I am whole, I already have myself. My stability is governed only by me, my apartment, my work, my passions, and my ability to restore my own peace of mind. You are the one who gives yourself the main assessment, and it must always be positive.

Stop dwelling on what is not working out for you yet, and stop trying to measure up to someone else's standards. Allow yourself to live with the wealth you already carry inside: your capacity to love, to trust, to listen to your body, and to make choices. Change will not tear your life apart if you stop gripping the remnants of your energy in a tight fist out of fear that you will be left with nothing or fail to realize what you planned. Relax, let go of the constant tension, and trust your own step. When you choose to be happy right now with what you already have, rather than postponing your life until "real money" or favorable circumstances come along, the world will respond with an endless stream of opportunities and genuine stability.

You want to get married so you can do nothing. You want a lot of money so you can do nothing. You want to win a million so you can lie on the couch and never get up again. You want to meet the right person, close an incredible deal, find a job where you can make easy money without exerting yourself, without sweating or crying over it. You want a partner who will save you, who will come, take you by the hand, pull you out of this entire quagmire, and carry you into a beautiful life where you will only enjoy yourself, flourish, and thrive. You want the world, like a kind magician, to teleport you straight into ideal, hothouse conditions where everything is already prepared, everything is already beautiful, and everything has already been decided for you, without having to make mistakes, without having to go through negative life experience, through the dirt, the falls, the scraped knees, and the late-night tantrums. I used to be just like that.

But let us face the truth. When those ideal hothouse conditions are created for a person, what happens? Just look at wealthy families where a child never has to worry about money at all. Food is there, clothes are there, the house is there, the cars are there, the education has been bought and paid for. And what kinds of problems do they face? They are different, but they are not one bit easier. "I don't know what the meaning of life is, I don't know what my worth is, why do I even exist if everything is already there?" Very often, these children fall into addictions and perversions: drugs, alcohol, gambling, sexual vices. Very often, they display callousness toward people because they know nothing of empathy, nothing of struggle. There is no respect for others, no value placed on friends, because friends are not about sincerity, but about status. And in the end comes total loneliness, despite all the money, all the houses, all the opportunities. That is hard. It is not a blessing; it is a curse disguised as good fortune. The world is wise; it knows perfectly well what you truly want, even if you will not admit it to yourself. And if you do not reconsider your dreams, they will not come true. That is not a punishment; it is protection.

If you want to find money, a lot of money, or a man who will give you a lot of money so that you can do nothing, it will not come true. Because that is not a dream; it is deadly poison in a pretty wrapper. At first, everything will seem wonderful, just the way you wanted, but over time the inevitable "End" will come, all because of your DOING NOTHING. You must find an endeavor that you choose to do with joy, with a fire in your eyes. But at the same time, you need money as a tool: to pursue that endeavor for your own fulfillment, without fighting life for survival, without spending your time and resources simply trying not to starve to death. In other words, the intention should sound like this: "God, help me focus my energy and attention on the things I want to do, on the things I love, on the things that make me wake up with a smile." But for that, you have to find what you actually want to do. Otherwise, you will receive nothing. Because nothing is handed to us for free, and thank God for that. If the world gave you what you ask for when you say, "Give me a lot of money so I can do nothing," it would kill you. In your idleness, you would simply fall into drug addiction, drink yourself away, smoke yourself to ruin, and hollow yourself out from the inside and outside. Do you understand? You would lose yourself completely. Because a person without an endeavor, without meaning, without movement, is not a person, they are a shell slowly decaying. The world loves you; that is why it will not give you what would destroy you. It is waiting for you to rephrase your request, waiting for you to say: "I want to do something that matters, and let money be my support so that I can do it even better, on a larger scale, and more deeply." And only then do the doors open. Not a moment sooner.