Kitobni o'qish: «The Girl Wanted: A Book of Friendly Thoughts»
PREFACE
The pleasure of giving to the public this volume has been brought about by the publication of the author’s work entitled, "Boy Wanted," which he presented as "a book of cheerful counsel to his young friends and such of the seniors as are not too old to accept a bit of friendly admonition."
The warm welcome accorded that book, and the many requests it has called forth for a similar companion volume for girls, has prompted the author to prepare the series of papers offered herewith, with the hope that they, too, may find as many youthful friends (between the ages of seven and seventy) awaiting them.
In the present volume, as in "Boy Wanted," the fine prose thoughts are selected from the writings of a very large number of the world’s foremost teachers and philosophers of all times, while the author, with a due sense of modesty, lays claim to all such examples of versification as are to be found within this book.
In these days when the women of the world, with such splendid success, are writing books for the moral guidance and spiritual uplift of the men and youth of every land, an author need not feel called upon to apologize when he presumes to address his remarks to readers of the opposite sex, as did John Ruskin, to such fine purpose, in the "Pearls for Young Ladies."
Since his own mother, wife, sisters, daughters and many of his best friends belong to the feminine half of humanity, any man who is a careful observer, a logical reasoner, and an adequate writer ought to be able to say something of worth and interest to the women and girls to whom he is permitted to address himself. If in this volume the author is able to impart to others, in a small degree, the beneficent influence he has received through the splendid precepts and noble examples of the women to whom he owes so much, he will deem himself grandly rewarded for the labor of love herein set forth.
Nor is the author unconscious of the great purpose that should underlie the writing of a series of papers designed to direct the daughters of our land toward the greatest factor in the making and the perpetuity of a nation – a noble and beautiful womanhood. For observation has taught the world that —
We’re almost sure to find good men,
When, all in all, we choose to take them,
Are, nearly nine times out of ten,
What mothers, wives and sisters make them.
N. W.
CHAPTER I
CHOOSING THE WAY
What can be expressed in words can be expressed in life. – Thoreau.Yes, my good girl, I am very glad that we are to have the opportunity to enjoy a friendly chat through the medium of the printed page, with its many tongues of type.
It is faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth looking at. – Oliver Wendell Holmes. Just here I have a favor to ask of you, and that is that you will consent to let us talk chiefly about yourself and the manner in which you are going to live all the golden to-morrows that are awaiting you.
The habit of viewing things cheerfully, and of thinking about life hopefully, may be made to grow up in us like any other habit. – Smiles. In a discussion of the topics which are to follow, it will be well for you to understand that there has never been a period in the world’s history when a girl was of more importance than she is just now. Indeed, many close observers and clear thinkers are of the opinion that there never has been a time when a girl was of A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any state of the market. – Charles Lamb. quite so much importance as she is to-day.
Some of our most able writers tell us that we are just on the threshold of "the women’s century," and that the great advance the world is to witness in the forthcoming years is to be largely inspired by, and redound to the glory of, the women of the earth.
The old days never come again, because they would be getting in the way of the new, better days whose turn it is. – George MacDonald. Come what will, the future is sufficiently alluring to cause you to cherish it most fondly and to determine that you will make the years that are before you as bright and beautiful and as "worth while" as it is possible for you to do.
It is a glorious privilege to dwell in the very forefront of time, in the grandest epoch of the world’s history and to feel that we are permitted to be observers of, and if it may so be, active participants in, the fascinating events that are occurring all about us.
The man who has learned to take things as they come, and to let go as they depart, has mastered one of the arts of cheerful and contented living. – Anonymous. Yet with all the grand achievements that are being encompassed in every field of human endeavor, the world to-day, needs most, that which the world has ever most needed – words helpful and true, hearts kind and tender, hands willing and ready to lift the less fortunate over the rough places in the paths of life, goodness and grace, gentle women and gentlemen.
Cheerfulness is the very flower of health. – Schopenhauer. And so here we find ourselves, just at this particular spot and at this very moment, with all of the days, months, years – yes, the whole of eternity – still to be lived!
There are people who do not know how to waste their time alone, and hence become the scourge of busy people. – De Bonald. At first thought it seems like a great problem, does this having to decide how we are going to live out all the great future that is before us. Yet, when we come to think it over, we see that it is not so difficult after all; for, fortunate mortals that we are, we shall never have to live it but one moment at a time. And, better still, that one moment is always to be the one that is right here and just now where we can see it and study it and shape it and do with it as we will.
Just this minute!
Not what has happened to myself to-day, but what has happened to others through me – that should be my thought. – Frederick Deering Blake. Surely it will not require a great deal of effort on the part of any one of us to live the next sixty seconds as they should be lived. And having lived one moment properly, it ought to be still easier for us to live the next one as well, and then the next, and the next until, finally, we continue to live them rightly, just as a matter of habit.
Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come. – Lowell. When we come to understand clearly that time is the thing of which lives are made, and that time is divided into a certain number of units, we can then pretty closely figure out, by simple processes in arithmetic, how much life is going to be worth to us.
What we are doing this minute, multiplied by sixty, tells us what we are likely to accomplish in an hour.
The highest luxury of which the human mind is sensible is to call smiles upon the face of misery. – Anonymous. What we do in an hour, multiplied by the number of working hours in every twenty-four, tells us what we may expect to achieve in a day.
What we do in a day, multiplied by three hundred and sixty-five, shows us what it is probable we shall accomplish in a year.
He who is plenteously provided for from within, needs but little from without. – Goethe. What we do in a year, when multiplied by the number of years of youth and health and strength, we have reason to believe are yet before us, sets forth the result we may hope to secure in a lifetime. For it is not hard for us to comprehend that. Each day should be distinguished by at least one particular act of love. – Lavater.
If, ever, while this minute’s here,
We use it circumspectly,
We’ll live this hour, this day, this year,
Yes, all our lives, correctly.
As the work of the builder is preceded by the plans of the architect, so the deeds we do in life are preceded by the thoughts we think. The thought is the plan; the deed is the structure.
Every person is responsible for all the good within the scope of his abilities, and for no more; and none can tell whose sphere is the largest. – Gail Hamilton. "As the twig is bent the tree is inclined." Wordsworth tells us: "The child is father of the man." Which means, also, that the child is mother of the woman. That which we dream to-day we may do to-morrow. The toys of childhood become the tools of our maturer years.
So it follows that an important part of the work and occupation of one’s early years should be to learn to have right thoughts, which, later on in life, are to become right actions.
Work is the very salt of life, not only preserving it from decay, but also giving it tone and flavor. – Hugh Black. The pleasant, helpful girl is most likely to become the pleasant, helpful woman. The seed that is sown in the springtime of life determines the character of the harvest that must be reaped in the autumn.
Treat your friends for what you know them to be. Regard no surfaces. Consider not what they did, but what they intended. – Thoreau. The cultivation of the right point of view means so much in determining one’s attitude toward all that the years may bring. Three centuries ago it was written: "What is one man’s poison is another’s meat or drink." So there are many things in life that bring pleasure to some and distress to others.
Work! It is the sole law of the world. – Emile Zola. There is a beautiful little story about a shepherd boy who was keeping his sheep in a flowery meadow, and because his heart was happy, he sang so loudly that the surrounding hills echoed back his song. One morning the king, who was out hunting, spoke to him and said: "Why are you so happy, my boy?"
"Why should I not be happy?" answered the boy. "Our king is not richer than I."
"Indeed," said the king, "pray tell me of your great possessions."
No lot is so hard, no aspect of things is so grim, but it relaxes before a hearty laugh. – George S. Merriam. The shepherd boy answered: "The sun in the bright blue sky shines as brightly upon me as upon the king. The flowers upon the mountain and the grass in the valley grow and bloom to gladden my sight as well as his. I would not take a fortune for my hands; my eyes are of more value than all the precious stones in the world. I have food and clothing, too. Am I not, therefore, as rich as the king?"
Concentration is the secret of strength. – Emerson. "You are right," said the king, with a smile, "but your greatest treasure is your contented heart. Keep it so, and you will always be happy."
Anybody can do things with an "if" – the thing is to do them without. – Patrick Flynn. So much of life’s happiness depends upon one’s immediate surroundings that wherever it is a matter of choice they should be made to conform as nearly as possible to the thoughts and tastes one wishes to cultivate. As a matter of course but few persons can have just the surroundings they would like, but it An aim in life is the only fortune worth the finding; and it is not to be found in foreign lands, but in the heart itself. – R. L. Stevenson. is possible that by pleasant thinking all of us can make the surroundings we have more likable. We can, at least, be thoughtful of the character of the friends and companions we choose to have with us, and it is they who are the most vital and influential part of our
ENVIRONMENT
It is better to be worn out with work in a thronged community than to perish of inaction in a stagnant solitude. – Mrs. Gaskell.
Shine or shadow, flame or frost,
Zephyr-kissed or tempest-tossed,
Night or day, or dusk or dawn,
We are strangely lived upon.
Mystic builders in the brain —
Mirth and sorrow, joy and pain,
Grief and gladness, gloom and light —
Build, oh, build my heart aright!
O ye friends, with pleasant smiles,
Help me build my precious whiles;
Bring me blocks of gold to make
Strength that wrong shall never shake.
Day by day I gather from
All you give me. I become
Yet a part of all I meet
In the fields and in the street.
The advantage of leisure is mainly that we have the power of choosing our own work; not certainly that it confers any privilege of idleness. – Lord Avebury.
Bring me songs of hope and youth,
Bring me bands of steel and truth,
Bring me love wherein to find
Charity for all mankind.
Place within my hands the tools
And the Master Builder’s rules,
That the walls we fashion may
Stand forever and a day.
Help me build a palace where
All is wonderfully fair —
Built of truth, the while, above,
Shines the pinnacle of love.
Suffering becomes beautiful, when any one bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility, but through greatness of mind. – Aristotle. If we are to receive help and strength from our friends we must lend them help and strength in return. And since the deeds of others inspire us we should not deem it impossible to make our deeds inspire them.
Helen Keller, who, though deaf and Character is a perfectly educated will. – Novalis. blind, has achieved so many wonderful and beautiful victories over the barriers that have beset her, says: "My share in the work of the world may be limited, but the fact that it is work makes it precious… Darwin could work only half an hour at a time; yet in many diligent half-hours he laid anew the foundations of philosophy… Green, the historian, tells us that the world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker."
One of the most massive and enduring gratifications is the feeling of personal worth, ever afresh, brought into consciousness by effectual action; and an idle life is balked of its hopes partly because it lacks this. – Herbert Spencer. In the same spirit the great French savant, Emile Zola, penned these words: "Let each one accept his task, a task which should fill his life. It may be very humble; it will not be the less useful. Never mind what it is, so long as it exists and keeps you erect! When you have regulated it, without excess – just the quantity you are able to accomplish each day – it will cause you to live in health and in joy."
Truth is always consistent with itself, and needs nothing to help it out. – Tillotson. Some wise observer has said that one of the chief aims of life should be to learn how to grow old gracefully. This knowledge is deemed by many to be a great secret and a most valuable one. Yet it can hardly be called a secret since every girl and boy as well as every person He that is choice of his time will be choice of his company and choice of his actions. – Jeremy Taylor. of maturer years must know that it is but the working out of the laws of cause and effect. When character-building is begun on the right lines and those lines are followed to the end the result is as certain as it is beautiful. When we see a grandmother whose life has been lived on the happy plane of pure thoughts and kind deeds we ought not to wonder that her old age is as exquisite as was the perfect bloom of her youth. We need not marvel how it has come about that her life has been a long and happy one. Here is the "secret:"
She knew how to forget disagreeable things.
She kept her nerves well in hand and inflicted them on no one.
She mastered the art of saying pleasant things.
Our character is our will; for what we will we are. – Archbishop Manning. She did not expect too much from her friends.
She made whatever work came to her congenial.
She retained her faith in others and did not believe all the world wicked and unkind.
He overcomes a stout enemy that overcomes his own anger. – Chilo. She relieved the miserable and sympathized with the sorrowful.
She never forgot that kind words and a smile cost nothing, but are priceless treasures to the discouraged.
Good company and good conversation are the sinews of virtue. – Stephen Allen. She did unto others as she would be done by, and now that old age has come to her, and there is a halo of white hair about her brow, she is loved and considered. This is the "secret" of a long life and a happy one.
If you have great talents, industry will improve them; if you have but moderate abilities, industry will supply their deficiency. Nothing is denied to well directed labor; nothing is to be obtained without it. – Joshua Reynolds. Fortunate is the girl who is permitted to dwell within the living presence of such a matron and to be directed by her into the paths of usefulness and sunshine. And thrice fortunate is every girl who has for her guide and counselor a loving mother to whom she can go for light and wisdom with which to meet all the problems of life.
"Mother knows." Her earnest, loving words are to be cherished above all others as many men and many women have learned after the long miles and If you are doing any real good you cannot escape the reward of your service. – Patrick Flynn. the busy years have crept between them and "the old folks at home." Do not, O Girl! I pray you, ever grow impatient, as boys sometimes do, to be set beyond the protecting care of
MOTHER’S APRON-STRINGS
Simplicity and plainness are the soul of elegance. – Dickens.
When I was but a careless youth,
I thought the truly great
Were those who had attained, in truth,
To man’s mature estate.
And none my soul so sadly tried
Or spoke such bitter things
As he who said that I was tied
To mother’s apron-strings.
I loved my mother, yet it seemed
That I must break away
And find the broader world I dreamed
Beyond her presence lay.
But I have sighed and I have cried
O’er all the cruel stings
I would have missed had I been tied
To mother’s apron-strings.
Happiness is one of the virtues which the people of all nationalities and every pursuit appreciate. – Joe Mitchell Chapple. O happy, trustful girls and boys!
The mother’s way is best.
She leads you ’mid the fairest joys,
Through paths of peace and rest.
If you would have the safest guide,
And drink from sweetest springs,
Oh, keep your hearts forever tied
To mother’s apron-strings.
CHAPTER II
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Only to the pure and the true does Nature resign herself and reveal her secrets. – Goethe. I am sure that every girl wishes to become accomplished, and I am quite as certain that every girl can become so if she will.
My dictionary defines an accomplishment as an "acquirement or attainment that tends to perfect or equip in character, manners, or person."
Every man carries with him the world in which he must live, the stage and the scenery for his own play. – F. Marion Crawford. Surely every girl can do something, or has acquired some special line of knowledge, that is covered by this broad definition.
It means that every girl who can sweep a room; read French or German The best is yet unwritten, for we grow from more to more. – Sam Walter Foss. or English as it should be read; bake a loaf of bread; play tennis; darn a stocking; play the violin or pianoforte; give the names of flowers and birds and butterflies; write a neat, well-composed letter, either in longhand or shorthand; draw or paint pictures; make a bed or Notwithstanding a faculty be born with us, there are several methods for cultivating and improving it. – Addison. do one or more of a thousand and one other things is accomplished. The more things she can do and the greater the number of subjects on which she is informed, the more highly is she accomplished.
It is understood, as a matter of course, that thoroughness in one’s accomplishments is the true measure of his worth. One who knows a few subjects very well is no doubt more accomplished than one who has only a superficial "smatter" of knowledge concerning many.
Every truth in the universe makes a close joint with every other truth. – Melvin L. Severy. We can all readily understand how much more pleasing it is to hear a true virtuoso play the violin or pianoforte than it is to listen to a beginner who can perform indifferently on a number of instruments.
"A little diamond is worth a mountain of glass."
Quality is the thing that counts.
All flimsy, shallow, and superficial work is a lie, of which a man ought to be ashamed. – John Stuart Blackie. The desire and disposition to do a thing well, coupled with a firm determination, are pretty sure to bring the ability necessary for achieving the wished-for end. The will is lacking more often than is the way.
When we cease to learn, we cease to be interesting. – John Lancaster Spalding. It is a matter of frequent comment that we usually expect too much of the average young and attractive girl in the way of accomplishments. Because she is pleasing in her general appearance we are apt to feel a sense of disappointment if we find that her qualities of mind do not equal her outward charms.
The workless people are the worthless people. – Wm. C. Gannett. Charles Lamb says: "I know that sweet children are the sweetest things in nature," and adds, "but the prettier the kind of a thing is, the more desirable it is that it should be pretty of its kind." And so it is with girls who are bright and blithe and beautiful; the world would give them every charming quality of mind and heart to match the grace of face and figure.
Hence we find that the girl who is most fondly wanted, by the members of her own family, by her schoolmates, and by all with whom she shall form an acquaintance, is the one who is as pleasing in her manners as she is beautiful in her physical features.
Our ideals are our better selves. – Bronson Alcott. Of all the accomplishments it is possible for a girl to possess, that of being pleasant and gracious to those about her is the greatest and most desirable. "There is no beautifier of the complexion,
All literature, art, and science are vain, and worse, if they do not enable you to be glad, and glad, justly. – Ruskin. or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us," says Emerson.
It is possible for persons to acquire a great deal of information and to become skillful in many things and still be unloved by those with whom they are associated.
All things else are of the earth, but love is of the sky. – William Stanley Braithwaite. The heart needs to be educated even more than the mind, for it is the heart that dominates and colors and gives character and meaning to the whole of life. Even the kindest of words have little meaning unless there is a kind heart to make them stand for something that will live.
To fill the hour, that is happiness. – Emerson. "You will find as you look back upon your life," says Drummond, "that the moments that stand out, the moments when you have really lived, are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love. As memory scans the past, above and beyond all the transitory Ah, well that in a wintry hour the heart can sing a summer song. – Edward Francis Burns. pleasures of life, there leap forward those supreme hours when you have been enabled to do unnoticed kindnesses to those round about you, things too trifling to speak about, but which you feel have entered into your eternal Avast there! Keep a bright lookout forward and good luck to you. – Dickens. life … Everything else in our lives is transitory. Every other good is visionary. But the acts of love which no man knows about, or can ever know about – they never fail."
It is the ability to do the many little acts of kindness, and to make the most of all the opportunities for gladding the lives of others, that constitute the finest accomplishment any girl can acquire.
It often happens that the thought of the great kindnesses we should like to do, and which we mean to do, "sometime" in the days to come, keeps us from seeing the many little favors we could, if we would, grant to those just about us at the present time. Yet we all know that it is not the things we are going to do that really count. It is the thing that we do do that is worth while.
No doubt we should all be much more thoughtful of our many present opportunities and make better use of them were we frequently to ask ourselves,
WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO-DAY?
Genius is the transcendent capacity for taking trouble first of all. – Carlyle.
We shall do so much in the years to come,
But what have we done to-day?
We shall give our gold in a princely sum,
But what did we give to-day?
We shall lift the heart and dry the tear,
For dreams, to those of steadfast hope and will, are things wherewith they build their world of fact. – Alicia K. Van Buren.
We shall plant a hope in the place of fear,
We shall speak the words of love and cheer;
But what did we speak to-day?
We shall be so kind in the after while,
But what have we been to-day?
Love is the leaven of existence. – Melvin L. Severy.
We shall bring each lonely life a smile,
But what have we brought to-day?
We shall give to truth a grander birth,
And to steadfast faith a deeper worth,
We shall feed the hungering souls of earth;
But whom have we fed to-day?
No man can rest who has nothing to do. – Sam Walter Foss.
We shall reap such joys in the by and by,
But what have we sown to-day?
We shall build us mansions in the sky,
But what have we built to-day?
’T is sweet in idle dreams to bask,
But here and now do we do our task?
Yes, this is the thing our souls must ask,
"What have we done to-day?"
Among the every-day accomplishments which everyone should wish to possess is a knowledge of the fine art of smiling. To know how and when to smile, not too much and not too little, is a fine mental and social possession.
Work is no disgrace but idleness is. – Hesiod. Hawthorne says: "If I value myself on anything it is on having a smile that children love." Any one possessing a smile that children as well as others may love is to be congratulated. A pleasant, smiling face is of great worth to its possessor and to the world that is privileged to look upon it.
Shoddy work is not only a wrong to a man’s own personal integrity, hurting his character; but also it is a wrong to society. Truthfulness in work is as much demanded as truthfulness in speech. – Hugh Black. A smile is an indication that the one who is smiling is happy and every happy person helps to make every one else happy. Yet we all understand that happiness does not mean smiling all the time. There is truly nothing more distressing than a giggler or one who is forever grimacing. "True happiness," says one of our most cheerful writers, "means the joyous sparkle in the eye and the The flowering of civilization is in the finished man, the man of sense, of grace, of accomplishment, of social power – the gentleman. – Ralph Waldo Emerson. little, smiling lines in the face that are so quickly and easily distinguished from the lines produced by depression and frowning that grow deeper and deeper until they become as hard and severe as if they were cut in stone." Such happiness is one of the virtues which people of all classes and ages, the world over, admire and enjoy. "We do not know what ripples of healing are set in motion," It is all very well to growl at the cold-heartedness of the world, but which of us can truthfully say that he has done as much for others as others have done for him? – Patrick Flynn. says Henry Drummond, "when we simply smile on one another. Christianity wants nothing so much in the world as sunny people."
Most persons are very quick to see whether or not a smile is genuine or is manufactured and put on like a mask for the occasion. The automatic, stock-in-trade smile hardly ever fits the face that tries to wear it. It is a little too wide or sags at the corners or something else is wrong A man is relieved and gay when he has put his heart into his work, and done his best; but what he has said or done otherwise, shall give him no peace. – Emerson. with it.
A smile may be as deep as a well and as wide as a church door; it may be "sweeter than honey," but the instant we detect that it is not genuine, it loses its charm and becomes, in fact, much worse than no smile at all. Smiles that are genuine are always just right both in quality and quantity. So the only really safe rule is for us not to smile until we feel like it and then we shall get on all right. And we ought to feel like smiling Some people meet us like the mountain air and thrill our souls with freshness and delight. – Nathan Haskell Dole. whenever we look into the honest face of any fellow being. A smile passes current in every country as a mark of distinction.
But it is even possible to overdo in the matter of smiling. "I can’t think of anything more irritating to the average human being," says Lydia Horton Knowles, "than an incessant, everlasting smile. There are people who have it. When things go wrong they have a patient, martyr-like smile, and when things go right they have a dutifully pleasant smile which has all the appearance of being I let the willing winter bring his jeweled buds of frost and snow. – Edward Francis Burns. mechanical, and purely a pose. Now I think the really intelligent person is the one who can look as though he realized the significance of various incidents or happenings and who can look sorrowful, even, if the occasion demands it. It is not a pleasant thing The world is unfinished; let’s mold it a bit. – Sam Walter Foss. to suffer mentally or physically, for instance, and have any one come up to you with a smile of patient, sweet condolence. The average man or woman does not want smiles when he or she is uncomfortable. We are apt to remember that it is easy enough to smile when it is somebody else who has the pain. I venture to say that a smile given at the wrong moment is far more Our wishes are presentiments of the capabilities which lie within us and harbingers of that which we shall be in a condition to perform. – Goethe. dangerous to human happiness than the lack of a smile at any given psychological moment. There is a time and a place for all things, even a smile."
No expression of feeling is of much moment without a warm heart and an Do not let us overlook the wayside flowers. – Joe Mitchell Chapple. intelligent thought behind it. The seemingly mechanical, automatic expressions of feeling and of interest in our affairs are sometimes even harder to bear than an out and out attitude of indifference. The thing that really warms and moves us is a touch of heartfelt, intelligent
