Kitobni o'qish: «Alice in Wonderland. Книга для чтения на английском языке»

Shrift:

Предисловие к учебному изданию

Итак, вы решили прочитать «Алису» в оригинале, и поэтому сначала несколько фактов. Во-первых, «Алисе» больше ста пятидесяти лет, она полна отсылок к английскому фольклору, который, скорее всего, и вам, и мне неизвестен (Например, в викторианской Англии шляпники частенько бывали не в себе, потому что травились парами ртути на работе. Есть даже такая поговорка «безумен как шляпник»). Еще в «Алисе» есть несколько стихов, и они также являются аллюзией на стихи авторов тех лет. Их имена сейчас вам ничего не скажут. Этим я хочу подчеркнуть, что та «Алиса», которую вы видели в кинотеатре или читали в русском переводе – это совсем не то, что имел в виду Льюис Кэрролл и не то, что понимали его современники.

Во-вторых, точно перевести «Алису» на русский язык нельзя. И дело не в плохих переводчиках. Просто «Алиса» – это сплошная игра слов, которая при переводе пропадает вместе с вкладываемым в эту игру смыслом. Поэтому вновь отмечу, та «Алиса», которую вы читали на русском, это не то, что написал Льюис Кэрролл.

В-третьих, Льюис Кэрролл был профессором математики в Оксфорде и скорее всего, как говорят многие умные люди, в «Алисе» пытался выразить математические фантазии множественности миров, искривления пространства и «кротовых нор», всего того (почти всего), что в начале двадцатого века убедительно докажет Альберт Эйнштейн. Впрочем, подробнее об этом вам расскажет Википедия.

И, наконец, настоящее имя Льюиса Кэрролла – Чарльз Доджсон. Мне это кажется важным, ибо псевдонимы псевдонимами, а героев нужно знать в лицо.

Текст в этой книге устроен следующим образом: жирным шрифтом выделены сложные грамматические конструкции, слова, метафоры (которые, возможно, вам и не покажутся сложными), и игра слов, коей в книге полно. Сразу за жирным текстом в скобках курсивом будет мой перевод и, если надо, его пояснение. Да, мой текст всегда в скобках и всегда курсивом. Иногда в прямых скобках вы увидите фразу «буквально —» и фразу «лучше —» или «здесь —». Это значит, что я привожу прямой, буквальный перевод отрывка, а затем тот, который более уместен в этом конкретном контексте.

В книге я перевел только трудные места текста. Остальное же – ваша работа. Вам точно потребуется словарь и место, куда вы будете записывать новые слова и обороты. Тогда с каждой прочитанной главой ваш английской будет становиться лучше. Я уверен, что учебные книги с полным переводом текста, будь он построчный или кусками – это плохие учебные книги. Также, как и двуязычные издания, где на одной странице идет английский текст, а на соседней – его дословный перевод. Почему это плохо? Это слишком облегчает задачу читателя. Когда вы не работаете, не ищете в словаре новые слова, не думаете над переводом всего предложения, а просто подсматриваете в готовое, вы не учитесь, не привыкаете к структуре английского языка, а просто считываете. Чтение на английском должно быть достаточно сложным, чтобы оно было полезным. По той же причине в конце книги нет словаря, как это обычно бывает. Это ваша работа, а не моя записывать новые слова, переводить их и запоминать. Да, времени уйдет больше, это скучно, но, если вы не поленитесь и сделаете это, ваши знания и навыки станут лучше. А словарь в конце книги будет заброшен сразу же после прочтения.

Приятного чтения, главное, установите на вашем телефоне хороший словарь, записывайте новые слова и составляйте с ними предложения, которые тоже лучше записывать. Тогда все запомнится. Удачи и спасибо за чтение.

Преподаватель английского языка

Роман Зинзер

zinzer-studio.com

@romanzinzer

Chapter I. Down the Rabbit-Hole

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank |на берегу реки|, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into |заглянула| the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, “and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice “without pictures or conversations?”

So she was considering |размышляла| in her own mind (as well as |настолько насколько| she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth |стоило ли удовольствие от плетения венка из маргариток| the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.

There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way |не то чтобы… так удивительно было| to hear the Rabbit say to itself, “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!” (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her |ей пришло в голову| that she ought to have wondered |ей следовало бы удивиться| at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually took a watch out |вытащил часы| of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started |здесь – встала| to her feet, for it flashed across her mind |ее осенило| that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity |сгорая от любопытства|, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down |как кролик прыгнул| a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering |даже не думая| how in the world she was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped |нырнула| suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well |a well – колодец, отверстие в земле|.

Either the well was very deep, or |Или… или| she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about |вокруг| her and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out |разобраться| what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs |которые висели на крючках|. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was labelled “ORANGE MARMALADE”, but to her great disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop |ронять| the jar for fear of killing somebody underneath |внизу|, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.

“Well!” thought Alice to herself, “after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs |скатиться со ступеней – сущая ерунда|! How brave they’ll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house |даже если я свалюсь с крыши дома|!” (Which was very likely true.)

Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end? “I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this time?” she said aloud. “I must be getting somewhere |должно быть я приближаюсь| near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think —” (for, you see, Alice had learnt |уже выучила| several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a very good opportunity for showing off |чтобы блеснуть| her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over |повторить|) “– yes, that’s about the right distance – but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude |широта и долгота| I’ve got to?” (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand |внушительные| words to say.)

Presently she began again. “I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it’ll seem to come out |это будет| among the people that walk with their heads downward |вверх ногами|! The Antipathies |антипатии. Алиса предполагает, как бы называись люди на той стороне Земли|, I think —” (she was rather |весьма, скорее| glad there was no one listening, this time, as it didn’t sound at all the right word) “– but I shall have to |буду должна спросить| ask them what the name of the country is, you know. Please, Ma’am |мэм|, is this New Zealand or Australia?” (and she tried to curtsey |сделать реверанс| as she spoke – fancy curtseying |представьте выполнение реверанса| as you’re falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) “And what an ignorant |невежественная| little girl she’ll think me for asking! No, it’ll never do |не будет пользы| to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.”

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again. “Dinah’ll miss me very much to-night, I should think!” (Dinah was the cat.) “I hope they’ll remember her saucer |миску| of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no mice |мышей| in the air, I’m afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that’s very like |очень похожа| a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?” And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, “Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?” and sometimes, “Do bats eat cats?” for, you see, as she couldn’t answer either |любой из| question, it didn’t much matter which way she put it |как бы она это не произносила|. She felt that she was dozing off |засыпала|, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly |серьезно|, “Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?” when suddenly, thump! thump! |треск| down she came upon a heap of sticks |упала на кучу веток| and dry leaves, and the fall was over.

Alice was not a bit hurt |совсем не поранилась|, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight |в поле зрения|, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time |вовремя| to hear it say, as it turned a corner, “Oh my ears and whiskers |усы|, how late it’s getting!” She was close behind |прямо позади| it when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up |подсвечивался| by a row of lamps hanging from the roof.

There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying |пробуя открыть| every door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again.

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid |прочного| glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice’s first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but, alas! |увы| either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any rate |в любом случае| it would not open any of them. However, on the second time round |сделав второй круг|, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches |дюймов| high: she tried the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!

Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down |встала на колени| and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed |Как же ей хотелось| to get out of that dark hall, and wander |побродить| about among those beds of bright flowers |клумб ярких цветов| and those cool |прохладных| fountains, but she could not even get her head through the doorway; “and even if my head would go through,” thought poor Alice, “it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up |здесь – складываться| like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.” For, you see, so many out-of-the-way |удивительных| things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed |очень мало вещей действительно| were really impossible.

There seemed to be no use |нет смысла| in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping |буквально – надеясь наполовину, лучше – смутно надеясь| she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (“which certainly was not here before,” said Alice,) and round the neck |вокруг горлышка| of the bottle was a paper label, with the words “DRINK ME,” beautifully printed on it in large letters.

It was all very well to say “Drink me,” but the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. “No, I’ll look first,” she said, “and see whether it’s marked ‘poison’ |яд| or not”; for she had read several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up |съеден| by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker |кочерга| will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds |пойдет кровь|; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked “poison,” it is almost certain to disagree with you |не пойдет на пользу|, sooner or later.

However, this bottle was not marked “poison”, so Alice ventured |осмелилась| to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard |крем|, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off |выпила полностью|.

“What a curious feeling!” said Alice; “I must be shutting up like a telescope.”

And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face brightened up |засияло| at the thought that she was now the right size for going through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further |уменьшиться еще сильнее|: she felt a little nervous about this; “for it might end |так я могу вообще исчезнуть|, you know,” said Alice to herself, “in my going out altogether |исчезну полностью|, like a candle. I wonder what I should be like then?” And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out |догорела|, for she could not remember ever having seen |что когда-либо видела| such a thing.

After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going into the garden at once |сразу же|; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach |добраться| it: she could see it quite plainly |запросто| through the glass, and she tried her best |старалась изо всех сил| to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery |скользко|; and when she had tired herself out |утомила себя| with trying, the poor little thing sat down |здесь – маленькая бедная девочка| and cried.

“Come, there’s no use in crying like that!” said Alice to herself, rather sharply; “I advise you to leave off |прекратить| this minute!” She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded |ругала| herself so severely |сурово| as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears |оттаскать себя за уши| for having cheated herself in a game of croquet |за жульничество в игре в крикет| she was playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending |ей нравилось притворяться| to be two people. “But it’s no use now,” thought poor Alice, “to pretend to be two people! Why, there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable |приличного| person!”

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words “EAT ME” were beautifully marked in currants |здесь – изюминами|. “Well, I’ll eat it,” said Alice, “and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way |в любом случае| I’ll get into the garden, and I don’t care which happens!”

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously |беспокойно| to herself, “Which way? Which way?”, holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen |уже так привыкла что ничего, кроме как необычного тут не случается|, that it seemed quite dull |скучно| and stupid for life to go on in the common way.

So she set to work |вернулась к работе|, and very soon finished off the cake.

Chapter II. The Pool of Tears

“Curiouser and curiouser!” |Страньше и страньше| cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); “now I’m opening out |раскрываюсь| like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!” (for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight |почти не видно|, they were getting so far off). “Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I’m sure I shan’t be able |я не смогу|! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself |Я же теперь буду так далеко, чтобы беспокоиться| about you: you must manage the best way you can |вы должны справляться как можно лучше|; – but I must be kind to them,” thought Alice, “or perhaps they won’t walk the way I want to go! Let me see: I’ll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.”

And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. “They must go by the carrier |Подарки должны будут доставляться курьером|,” she thought; “and how funny it’ll seem, sending presents to one’s own feet! And how odd the directions will look!

Alice’s Right Foot, Esq.,

Hearthrug, near the Fender |коврик возле камина|,

(with Alice’s love).

Oh dear, what nonsense I’m talking!”

Just then her head struck against |ударилось о крышу| the roof of the hall: in fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side |лежа на боку|, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself |Тебе должно быть стыдно|,” said Alice, “a great |здесь – большая| girl like you,” (she might well say this |тут она вероятно была права|), “to go on crying in this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!” But she went on all the same |все равно продолжила|, shedding |проливая| gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall.

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she kept fanning |обдувала| herself all the time she went on talking: “Dear, dear! How queer |странно| everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve been changed |меня подменили| in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle!” And she began thinking over |обдумывать| all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed |ее могли бы подменить| for any of them.

“I’m sure I’m not Ada,” she said, “for her hair goes in such long ringlets |кольцами|, and mine doesn’t go in ringlets at all; and I’m sure I can’t be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, she’s she, and I’m I, and – oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I’ll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is – oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the Multiplication Table |таблица умножения| doesn’t signify |ничего еще не означает|: let’s try Geography. London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Rome – no, that’s all wrong, I’m certain! I must have been changed for Mabel! I’ll try and say ‘How doth |дорожит| the little —’” and she crossed her hands on her lap |коленях| as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse |хрипло| and strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:

“How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale!

“How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spread his claws,

And welcome little fishes in

With gently smiling jaws!”

“I’m sure those are not the right words,” said poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, “I must be Mabel after all |все-таки|, and I shall have to go and live in that poky |убогом| little house, and have next to no toys |почти без игрушек. Оборот to have next to no/nothing… – почти не иметь чего-либо| to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I’ve made up my mind |я решила| about it; if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here! It’ll be no use their putting their heads down and saying ‘Come up again, dear!’ I shall only look up and say ‘Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person, I’ll come up: if not, I’ll stay down here till I’m somebody else’ – but, oh dear!” cried Alice, with a sudden burst of tears |потоком слез|, “I do wish they would put their heads down |заглянули бы сюда|! I am so very tired of being all alone here!”

As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit’s little white kid gloves while she was talking. “How can I have done that |Как я так могла сделать|?” she thought. “I must be growing small |уменьшаюсь| again.” She got up and went to the table to measure |измерить| herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly |продолжала стремительно уменьшаться|: she soon found out |поняла| that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.

“That was a narrow escape!” |буквально – это был узкий побег. Лучше – едва спаслась!| said Alice, a good deal frightened |сильно напугана. A good deal – большое количество чего-либо| at the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence |что до сих пор существует|; “and now for the garden!” and she ran with all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as before, “and things are worse than ever,” thought the poor child, “for I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare it’s too bad, that it is!”

As she said these words her foot slipped |поскользнулась|, and in another moment, splash! she was up to her chin |по подбородок| in salt water. Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, “and in that case I can go back by railway |вернусь по железной дороге|,” she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside |на море| once in her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines |купальни| in the sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades |лопатками|, then a row of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out |поняла| that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept |наревела| when she was nine feet high.

“I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. “I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned |тем, что утону| in my own tears! That will be a queer thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.”

Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way off |немного в стороне|, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought it must be a walrus |морж| or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in |соскользнула в воду| like herself.

“Would it be of any use, now,” thought Alice, “to speak to this mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way |необычно| down here, that I should think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there’s no harm in trying |хуже не будет|.” So she began: “O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!” (Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having seen |как видела| in her brother’s Latin Grammar, “A mouse—of a mouse—to a mouse—a mouse—O mouse!”) The Mouse looked at her rather inquisitively |недоуменно|, and seemed to her to wink |как будто подмигнула| with one of its little eyes, but it said nothing.

“Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” thought Alice; “I daresay |осмелюсь сказать| it’s a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.” |Вильгельмом Завоевателем, первым английским правителем| (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion |понимания| how long ago anything had happened.) So she began again: “Où est ma chatte?” |Где моя кошка?| which was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out |выпрыгнула| of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright |вся затрепетала от страха|. “Oh, I beg your pardon!” cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animal’s feelings. “I quite forgot you didn’t like cats.”

“Not like cats!” cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. “Would you like cats if you were me?”

“Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a soothing tone: “don’t be angry about it. And yet |Но все же| I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you’d take a fancy |полюбили бы| to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,” Alice went on, half to herself |продолжила задумчиво|, as she swam lazily about in the pool, “and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face – and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse |поласкать| – and she’s such a capital one for catching mice |как она превосходно ловит мышей| – oh, I beg your pardon!” cried Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over |вся взъерошилась|, and she felt certain it must be really offended |оскорблена|. “We won’t talk about her any more if you’d rather not.”

“We indeed!” cried the Mouse, who was trembling |дрожала| down to the end of his tail. “As if I would talk |Как будто это я заговорила| on such a subject! Our family always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don’t let me hear the name again!”

“I won’t indeed!” said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of conversation. “Are you – are you fond – of – of dogs?” The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly |нетерпеливо|: “There is such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed |блестящие| terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it’ll fetch |ловит| things when you throw them, and it’ll sit up and beg |просит| for its dinner, and all sorts of things – I can’t remember half of them – and it belongs to a farmer, you know, and he says it’s so useful, it’s worth a hundred pounds |фунтов стерлингов|! He says it kills all the rats and – oh dear!” cried Alice in a sorrowful tone, “I’m afraid I’ve offended it again!” For the Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in the pool as it went |волнение в луже от движения|.

So she called softly after it, “Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we won’t talk about cats or dogs either, if you don’t like them!” When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion |от эмоций|, Alice thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, “Let us get to the shore, and then I’ll tell you my history, and you’ll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.”