Montegue Blister’s Strange Games: and other odd things to do with your time

Montegue Blister’s
Strange Games
and other odd things to do with your time
Montegue Blister

Disclaimer: This book has been written as a source of reference for traditional and modern games. The majority of games contained in this book are generally considered safe and of low hazard, but please exercise common sense and take all necessary care if playing. Adult supervision of children under the age of 16 is highly recommended. The author and the publishers do not accept any responsibility for any harm that may occur from your decision to play the games contained in this book.

To Siân & Issy

Table of Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

Dedication

Intro

Hand and Feet Games

Indoor Games

Outdoor Games

Urban Games

Festivals

Party Games

Playground Games

Throwing and Propulsion Games

Sports

Stand-off Games

Animal Games

Calendar of Strange Events

Internet Resources

Index

Copyright

About the Publisher

INTRO

In 1972, whilst walking towards my brother in our unassuming suburban living room, he flicked out his foot cleverly, catching me on my ankle bone. This caused me to momentarily lose my balance, stumble, then come crashing down onto the Axminster carpet—my head narrowly missing the doily-covered arm of our brown Dralon sofa. Walking Trippy, the game, was born. Then, after just a few hours of experimentation, the rules and strategies for this English Gentleman’s martial art were in place.

Thirty years later, after a night of reminiscing, I decided it was time that the whole world was made aware of Walking Trippy—and the blog Strange Games was born. As the blog grew I received many emails that mentioned other great, almost forgotten games, such as Split the Kipper and Spectacular Deaths, as well as queries such as what is the best game for keeping a party of hyperactive seven-year-olds under control (that would be Underpants Jumping—see page 39, if you are wondering). And now, three years on, I give you Strange Games, the book.

The aim of this book is to detail strange games, unusual sports and bizarre festivals; to reclaim the nation’s MTVd-, MP3d-, Bluetoothed-enabled youth. Its mission: to crowbar a generation of sofa-sitting lazy bastards off their backsides and send them, eager and smiling, off to the shin-kicking fields of the Cotswolds. If it results in even one headrest-embedded DVD player being ripped out so that the kids in the back of the car can concentrate on Finger Jousting or slamming their knuckles down on each other, its job will be done.

This book also includes party games, but there is no mention of pass the parcel and there are no games where you dress like Britney Spears and freeze when the music stops. Instead, there are games like Bucketheads, Body Surfing, and politically incorrect gems like Slave Market. And in this time where children’s parties get ever more expensive (as parents spend small fortunes employing professional entertainers for their little Joshuas and Jemimas and mobile phones become standard fare for party bags), Strange Games makes the revolutionary suggestion that maybe all you need to entertain the little terrors is a roll of gaffer tape and a modicum of imagination.

The world of unusual festivals and sports is well covered here, with entries on events from the well-known Cheese Rolling to the obscure, but soon to be Olympic, sport of Watermelon Ski-ing. Fruit and vegetables seem to play a large part in this world: if you are not strapping them to your feet you are throwing them, spitting their seeds, or head-butting them. Of note in this area of oddness are two locales: Finland and Gloucestershire. Both these places can make claim to being capitals of strange games, with Finland being represented by Swamp Soccer, Mobile Phone Throwing, and Wife Carrying (to name but three), and Gloucestershire by Shin Kicking, Cheese Rolling and Woolsack Carrying.

At the back of this book is a calendar detailing various strange events to go and see. Many of these are open to both spectators and new competitors. The chance to become a world champion in life is rare, but the odds greatly increase if you enter the World Worm Charming Festival or the Frozen Pea Throwing Championships.

And as the nation slips unconsiously into a homogeneous mass of couch-dwelling, fast-food guzzling idiots who watch documentaries about obese people that only eat cheese having their lives changed by Scottish poo inspectors, it is time to grab these aforementioned lazy bastards by their melon balls and force them to Toe Wrestle or play Mob Football, or, at the very least, find their nearest field so they can pick up a cow pat and fling it.

If just one person reads this book and decides to start a Dwile Flunking team, I can rest happy and look forward to meeting my maker with the knowledge that I have played my part in making the world a better place. When I close my eyes I have a vision of St Peter opening those pearly gates, smiling as I walk towards him, his hands extended towards me, palms pressed together. I can see his peaceful face now, as I quickly raise one of my hands and slap the back of one of his as hard as I can.

Note: Some of these games are not suitable for children; indeed, some are not even suitable for adults but are included here because they are intriguing, or were played in the past and therefore of historical interest. Any game or sport that involves cruelty to animals is not in any way endorsed.

Montegue Blister, 2009

HAND AND FEET GAMES

The great thing about playing hand and feet games is that you rarely need any other equipment to be able to play them; just roll up your sleeves or remove a sock and you’re ready. As the entries below show, these games often appear to be quite violent. Also (with the exception of Toe Wrestling), the majority of these have a long, and sometimes murky, history. Rock, Paper, Scissors (the oldest) was possibly played by cave dwellers but never took off—perhaps due to the ‘Rock’ throw being so dominant amongst players of the day.

Bloody Knuckles

Bloody Knuckles gives its name to not one, but two, strange and savage games.

Bloody Knuckles 1: The more usual version of Bloody Knuckles is the knuckular (a technical medical term) version of Slapsies. Here, both players each form one hand into a fist and stand opposite each other, arms outstretched and fists touching. It is the aim of one player to lift their fist (no higher than shoulder height) and bring their knuckles down onto the top of their opponent’s fist. Obviously, it is the opponent’s job to pull their fist away and avoid a painful blow, but they must not make a move until their opponent starts their attempt. Players can either take turns and gain points for each hit or maintain the strike if contact is made. In the old-fashioned version of this game you are not allowed to move your hand to escape, you just leave it there to get hit and then have your turn. Obviously, that was just barbaric.

Bloody Knuckles 2: Here, players sit at a table across from each other. One player then makes their hand into a fist and places it on the table. The other player takes a heavy coin (a £2 coin, for example), puts it flat on the table, then flicks it with as much force as possible at their opponent’s knuckles. Play then reverses and it becomes the first player’s turn to form a fist. The game continues until blood is drawn or one player submits, or until both realise they are wasting their lives and decide to go and do something more productive instead.

Bloody Knuckles even has its own governing body—the World Bloody Knuckles Association—which promotes the game and organises regular events.

Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors and variations

Extreme games and sports are played by fit, highly trained participants and usually involve some degree of danger.

Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors is just a violent variation on the standard game—basically it’s an excuse for a physical attack on your opponent.

As in the normal version, each player decides and forms the hand position to represent rock, paper or scissors; however, if paper wins it is translated as a slap and the player who wins with this throw may slap his opponent’s hands. If you win with ‘Rock’ this becomes a punch; while scissors are turned into a poke. This changes the dynamics of the game somewhat, in that players will favour one type of assault over another and hence try and win with that throw, so a player wary of being slapped again may try to overplay their opponent with scissors.

There are many variants of Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors (ERPS) and each is referred to by different names in different countries. One of the most interesting is Dancing RPS, which can be played whilst dancing to music. Here, the three throws are Drum and Bass, Techno and, finally, Waltz. Techno (thrown by waving your arms in the air) beats Drum and Bass (hands make drumming motions), which in turn beats Waltz (arms are formed as if holding an imaginary partner for a waltz). To make the game fair, Waltz then beats Techno.

The French call RPS Rochambeaux. Presumably this inspired the television programme South Park to feature the game Roshambo, which involves male players taking it in turns to kick each other in the groin until one player falls down or gives up.

The well-known game of Rock, Paper, Scissors is hardly strange—although, strangely, it does have a World Championship (Bob ‘the Rock’ Cooper from the UK was the 2006 champion). However, if you consider yourself better than RPS, as its aficionados call it, you need to learn to play Rock, Paper, Scissors 101—the degree-level version.

This version of the game is played exactly like the game you know, except there are a phenomenal 101 possible hand positions. To make the game as random and fair as the standard game, each of the selected shapes beats fifty others, and can, in turn, be beaten by fifty itself. (Simple mathematics reveals that this will cause there to be a less than one percent chance of a tie and a total of 5 050 outcomes.)

The hand positions represent objects ranging from ‘Alien’ to ‘UFO’, ‘Medusa’ to ‘Satan’. These are fully illustrated on the RPS 101 website (see Internet Resources) and range from the obvious hand movements to ones requiring some skill. (The shape for ‘Vampire’ is particularly brilliant.)

As an example of how the game plays, if you choose to go with ‘Gun’ this will shoot ‘Princess’, blast apart ‘Turnip’, but will be resisted by ‘Dragon’. If you choose ‘Baby’, this will spill ‘Beer’, ruin ‘Guitar’ and be unaware of ‘Satan’, but is obviously carried off by ‘Robot’.

Once you have mastered the 101 hand positions and memorised which other positions they beat, then comes the even harder part—finding someone to play against.

Finger Jousting

Finger Jousting, or Finger Fencing as it is sometimes known, is a possibly ancient game that combines jousting and sword fighting yet requires neither horse nor blade.

In its simplest form, two players stand facing each other and clasp their right hands together as if about to arm wrestle. Then, on a given command, each player extends his index finger (their ‘lance’) and battle commences. The objective is to jab your opponent before they jab you. At no point may the players’ hands lose contact with each other. This means that jabbing the other player is often a lot less straightforward than you might initially think; with feints, sideways moves and full body twists all yielding results.

For a basic game, the first to score wins, or you can apportion different points for striking different body areas: legs and other arm gets one point, chest and back gets two points, the head gets three points. The jousting arm itself must never be hit, and the unused arm may play no part in the bout.

The game’s governing body, the World Finger Jousting Federation (which is run by the self-styled Lord of the Joust, Julian Gluck) has built up a glossary of finger fighting terms and rules (see Internet Resources for website) which includes such gems as:

Bobbo Lance: A straight jousting move wherein a player cocks their right elbow back towards their chest, pulling their opponent closer.

Gesture of Good Disposition: A physical motion executed before and after every match as a sign of gratitude towards the opponent. Approved tournament gestures are handshakes, bows, head nods and man hugs.

Taking care of your fingernails is a sign of respect for your opponent and shows an interest in maintaining a healthy body.

The length of a competitor’s finger shall not be longer than 15cm.

Illegal fingernail length is an automatic disqualification unless an approved glove is worn or the fingernail is trimmed immediately.

American-Indian Leg Wrestling

American-Indian Wrestling is based on pitting different parts of the body against your opponent’s, one part at a time. There are many different forms, such as Back Wrestling: standing back to back and trying to push each other a set distance; One-legged Wrestling: standing on one leg and trying to push your opponent over; Thumb Wrestling, and, of course, Leg Wrestling.

In Leg Wrestling two players lie flat on their backs, side by side. They should be next to each other and touching, but pointing in different directions so that the feet of one player are next to the head of the other and the players’ hips are touching. They then simultaneously raise their adjacent legs straight up three times. On the third raise players should hook ankles and try to pull their opponent over. No other part of the body is used, and the non-playing leg should remain flat on the floor and not be used for leverage. Games usually last a much shorter time than in Arm Wrestling, and successful play depends not just on muscular strength but also on stealth and speed.

Mora

Mora is an ancient guessing game that involves using your hands.

If there are two players, each faces the other and on a count of three must show a number of fingers on one hand. The number chosen can be anything from zero (keep your fist closed) to five (extend your thumb and all of your fingers). At the same time as both players show their hand they also shout out what they think the total number of fingers will be. If a player guesses correctly they gain two points; whoever is nearest to the correct answer gets one point.

A successful strategy involves noticing whether your opponent has a tendency to favour small or large numbers, then using this information appropriately.