Kitobni o'qish: «The Vagrant Duke», sahifa 14
"Beth! You little devil!" he cried breathlessly, as he caught her. "You little devil, I'll teach you to laugh at me."
"Let me go – "
"No – "
He held her in his arms while she struggled vainly to release herself. Her flushed face was now a little frightened and her large blue eyes stared in dismay at what she saw in his face.
"Let me go?" she whispered. "I didn't mean it – "
But he only held her closer while she struggled, as he kissed her – on the brows, the chin, the cheeks, and as she relaxed in sheer weakness – full on the lips – again – again.
"Do you think I haven't been trying to keep my hands off you all these weeks?" he whispered. "Do you think I haven't wanted you – to teach you what women were meant for? It's for this, Beth – and this. Do you think I haven't seen how lovely you are? Do you think I'm a saint – an anchorite? Well, I'm not. I'll make you love me – love me – "
Something in the reckless tones of his voice – in his very words aroused her to new struggles. "Oh, let me go," she gasped. "I don't love you. I won't. Let me go."
"You shall!"
"No. Let me loose or I – I'll despise you – "
"Beth!"
"I mean it. Let me go."
If a moment ago when she was relaxed in his arms he had thought that he had won her, he had no such notion now, for with a final effort of her strong young arms, she thrust away from him and stood panting and disordered, staring at him as though at one she had never seen before.
"Oh – how I hate you!"
"Beth!"
"I mean it. You – you – ," she turned away from him, staring at the torn music on the ground as at a symbol of her disillusionment. Peter saw her look, felt the meaning of it, tried to recall the words he had said to her and failed – but sure that they were a true reflection of what had been in his heart. He had wanted her – then – nothing else had mattered – not duty or his set resolve…
"You mocked at me, Beth," he muttered. "I couldn't stand that – "
"And is this the way you punish me? Ah, if you'd only – if you'd only – "
And then with another glance at the torn music, she leaned against the trunk of a tree, sobbing violently.
"Beth – " he whispered, gently, "don't – "
"Go away. Oh, go. Go!"
"I can't. I won't. What did you want me to say to you? That I love you? I do, Beth – I do," he whispered. It was Peter Nichols, not Peter Nicholaevitch, who was whispering now.
"Was this what your teachin' meant?" she flashed at him bitterly. "Was this what you meant when you wanted to pay my way in New York? Oh, how you shame me! Go! Go away from me, please."
"Please don't," he whispered. "You don't understand. I never meant that. I – I love you, Beth. I can't bear to see you cry."
She made a valiant effort to control her heaving shoulders. And then,
"Oh, you – you've spoiled it all. S-spoiled it all, and it was so beautiful."
Had he? Her words sobered him. No, that couldn't be. He cursed his momentary madness, struggling for words to comfort her, but he had known that she had seen the look in his eyes, felt the roughness of his embrace. Love? The love that she had sung to him was not of these. He wanted now to touch her again – gently, to lift up her flushed face, wet like a flower with the fresh dew of her tears, and tell her what love was. But he didn't dare – he couldn't, after what he had said to her. And still she wept over her broken toys – the music – the singing – for they had mattered the most. Very childlike she seemed, very tender and pathetic.
"Beth," he said at last, touching her fingers gently. "Nothing is changed, Beth. It can't be changed, dear. We've got to go on. It means so much to – to us both."
But she paid no attention to the touch of his fingers and turned away, leaving the music at her feet, an act in itself significant.
"Let me go home. Please. Alone. I – I've got to think."
She did not look at him, but Peter obeyed her. There was nothing else to do. There was something in the clear depths of her eyes that had daunted him. And he had meant her harm. Had he? He didn't know. He passed his hand slowly across his eyes and then stood watching her until she had disappeared among the trees. When she had gone he picked up the torn music. It was Massenet's "Elégie."
O doux printemps d'autrefois…
Tout est flétrie.
The lines of the torn pieces came together. Spring withered! The joyous songs of birds – silenced! Beth's song? He smiled. No, that couldn't be. He folded the music up and strode off slowly, muttering to himself.
CHAPTER XIV
TWO LETTERS
Peter passed a troublous evening and night – a night of self-revelations. Never that he could remember had he so deeply felt the sting of conscience. He, the Grand Duke Peter Nicholaevitch, in love with this little rustic? Impossible! It was the real Peter, tired of the sham and make-believe of self-restraint and virtue, who had merely kissed a country girl. He was no anchorite, no saint. Why had he tied himself to such a duty from a motive of silly sentimentalism?
He winced at the word. Was it that? Sentimentalism. He had shown her the best side of him – shown it persistently, rather proud of his capacity for self-control, which had ridden even with his temptations. Why should it matter so much to him what this girl thought of him? What had he said to her? Nothing much that he hadn't said to other women. It was the fact that he had said it to Beth that made the difference. The things one might say to other women meant something different to Beth – the things one might do… He had been a fool and lost his head, handled her roughly, spoken to her wildly, words only intended for gentle moods, softer purposes. Shrewd little Beth, whose wide, blue eyes had seen right down into the depths of his heart. He had been clumsy, if nothing else, and he had always thought that clumsiness was inexcusable. He had a guilty sense that while Beth was still the little lady to her finger tips, born to a natural nobility, he, the Grand Duke Peter, had been the boor, the vulgar proletarian. The look in her eyes had shamed him as the look in his own eyes had shamed her. She had known what his wooing meant, and it hadn't been what she wanted. The mention of love on lips that kissed as his had done was blasphemy.
Yes. He cared what she thought of him – and he vainly cast about for a way in which to justify himself. To make matters worse Beth still believed that this was the payment he exacted for what he had done for her, what he had proposed to do for her, that he measured her favors in terms of value received. What else could she think but that? Every hour of his devotion to her music defamed her.
The situation was intolerable. In the morning he went seeking her at her home. The house was open. No one in Black Rock village locked doors by day or night. Beth was not there. A neighbor said that she had gone early alone into the woods and Peter understood. If she hadn't cared for him she wouldn't have needed to go to the woods to be alone. Of course she didn't appear at the Cabin the next day, and Peter searched for her – fruitlessly. She weighed on his conscience, like a sin unshrived. He had to find her to explain the unexplainable, to tell her what her confidence had meant to him, to recant his blasphemy of her idols in gentleness and repentance.
As he failed to find her, he wrote her a note, asking her forgiveness, and stuck it in the mirror of the old hat-rack in the hall. Many women in Europe and elsewhere, ladies of the great world that Beth had only dreamed about, would have given their ears (since ear puffs were in fashion) to receive such a note from Peter. It was a beautiful note besides – manly, gentle, breathing contrition and self-reproach. Beth merely ignored it. Whatever she thought of it and of Peter she wanted to deliberate a longer while.
And so another music lesson hour passed while Peter sat alone in the Cabin waiting. That night two letters were brought to him. The superscription of one was scrawled in a boyish hand. The other was scented, dainty, of pale lavender, and bore a familiar handwriting and a familiar coronet. In amazement he opened this first. It was from the Princess Galitzin, written in the polyglot of French, English and Russian which she affected.
"Chere Pierre," it ran, – in the English, somewhat as follows: "You will no doubt be surprised at hearing from me in far-off America and amazed at the phenomenon of your discovered address at the outlandish place you've chosen for your domicile. It's very simple. In America you have been watched by agents of the so-called government of our wretched country. We know this here in London, because one of our agents is also a part of their secret organization. He came upon the report of your doings and knowing that father was interested, detailed the information to us.
"So far as I can learn at the present writing you are in no immediate danger of death, but we do not know here in London how soon the word may be sent forth to 'remove' persons of your importance in the cosmic scheme. It seems that your desire to remain completely in hiding is looked upon with suspicion in Russia as evidence of a possible intention on your part to come to light at the beginnings of a Bourbon movement and proclaim yourself as the leader of a Royalist party. Your uncles and cousins have chosen the line of least resistance in yielding to the inevitable, living in Switzerland, and other spots where their identities are well known.
"I pray, my well remembered and bel ami, that the cause of Holy Russia is still and ever present in your heart of hearts and that the thing these devils incarnate fear may one day come to pass. But I pray you to be discreet and watchful, if necessary changing your place of abode to one in which you will enjoy greater security from your enemies. There is at last one heart in London that ever beats fondly in memory of the dear dead days at Galitzin and Zukovo.
"Helas! London is dead sea fruit. People are very kind to us. We have everything that the law allows us, but life seems to have lost its charm. I have never quite forgiven you, mon Pierre, for your desertion of us at Constantinople, though doubtless your reasons for preserving your incognito were of the best. But it has saddened me to think that you did not deem me worthy of a closer confidence. You are doubtless very much alone and unhappy – also in danger not only from your political enemies, but also from the American natives in the far away woods in which you have been given occupation. I trust, such as it is, that you have taken adequate measures to protect yourself. I know little of America, but I have a longing to go to that splendid country, rugged in its primitive simplicity, in spite of inconveniences of travel and the mass of uncultured beings with whom one must come into contact. Do you think it would be possible for a spoiled creature like me to find a boudoir with a bath – that is, in the provinces, outside of New York?
"It is terrible that you can have no music in your life! I too miss your music, Pietro mio, as I miss you. Perhaps one day soon you will see me. I am restless and bored to extinction, with these ramrods of Englishmen who squeeze my rings into my fingers. But if I come I will be discreet toward Peter Nichols. That was a clever invention of yours. It really sounds – quite – American.
"Garde toi bien, entendez vous? Tout de suite je viendrai. Au revoir.
"Anastasie."
Peter read the letter through twice, amused, astounded and dismayed by turns. His surmise in regard to the stranger with the black mustache had been correct then. The man was a spy of the Russian Soviets. And so instead of having been born immaculate into a new life, as he had hoped – a man without a past, and only a future to be accounted for – he was only the Grand Duke Peter after all. And Anastasie! Why the devil did she want to come nosing about in America, reminding him of all the things that he wanted to forget? The odor of her sachet annoyed him. A bath and boudoir! He realized now that she had always annoyed him with her pretty silly little affectations and her tawdry smatterings of the things that were worth while. He owed her nothing. He had made love to her, of course, because that was what a woman of her type expected from men of his. But there had been no damage done on either side, for he had not believed that she had ever really cared. And now distance, it seemed, had made her heart grow fonder, distance and the romantic circumstances of his exile.
It was kind of her, of course, to let him know of his danger, but only human after all. She could have done no less, having the information. And now she was coming to offer him the charity of her wealth, to tempt him with ease, luxury and London. He would have none of them.
He picked up the other letter with even more curiosity until he read the postmark, and then his interest became intense, for he knew that it was from Jim Coast – Hawk Kennedy. The letter bore the heading, "Antlers Hotel, Colorado Springs."
"Dear Pete," he read, through the bad spelling, "Here I am back at the 'Springs,' at the 'Antlers,' after a nice trip down Bisbee way, and out along the 'J. and A.' to the mine. It's there all right and they're workin' it yet to beat the cards with half a mountain still to be tapped. I ain't going into particulars – not in a letter, except to tell you that I got what I went for – names, dates and amounts – also met the gents our friend sold out to – nice people. Oh, I'm 'A1' with that outfit, old dear. I'm just writing this to show you I'm on the job and that if you've got an eye to business you'd better consider my proposition. I'll make it worth your while. You can help all right. You did me a good turn that night. I'll give you yours if you'll stand in proper and make McG. do what's right. It ain't what you said it was – it's justice all around. That's all I'm asking – what's right and proper.
"I ain't coming back just yet, not for a month, maybe. I'm living easy and there's a lady here that suits my fancy. So just drop me a line at the above address, letting me know everything's O. K. Remember I'm no piker and I'll fix you up good.
"Your friend,"Jim."
Peter clenched the paper in his fist and threw it on the floor, frowning angrily at the thought of the man's audacity. But after a while he picked the crumpled note up and straightened it out upon the table, carefully rereading it. Its very touch seemed to soil his fingers, but he studied it for a long while, and then folded it up and put it in his pocket. It was a very careful game that Peter would have to play with Hawk Kennedy, a game that he had no liking for. But if he expected to succeed in protecting McGuire, he would have to outwit Jim Coast – or Hawk Kennedy, as he now thought of him – by playing a game just a little deeper than his own.
Of course he now had the advantage of knowing the whole of McGuire's side of the story, while Kennedy did not believe the old man would have dared to tell. And to hold these cards successfully it would be necessary to continue in Kennedy's mind the belief that Peter did not share McGuire's confidences. It would also be necessary for Peter to cast in his lot, apparently, with Kennedy against McGuire. It was a dirty business at best, but he meant to carry it through if he could, and get the signed agreement from the blackmailer.
Peter seemed to remember an old wallet that Jim Coast had always carried. He had seen it after Coast had taken slips of paper from it and showed them to Peter, – newspaper clippings, notes from inamorata and the like – but of course, never the paper now in question. And if he had carried it all these years, where was it now? In the vault of some bank or trust company probably, and this would make Peter's task difficult, if not impossible.
Peter got up and paced the floor, thinking deeply of all these things in their relation to Beth. And then at last he went out into the night, his footsteps impelled toward the village. After all, the thoughts uppermost in his mind were of Beth herself. Whatever the cost to his pride, he would have to make his peace with her. He knew that now. Why otherwise did his restless feet lead him out into the pasture back of the little post office toward the rear of Mrs. Bergen's house? Yet there he found himself presently, smoking his corncob pipe for comfort, and staring at the solitary light in Tillie Bergen's parlor, which proclaimed its occupant. Mrs. Bergen's house stood at a little distance from its nearest neighbor, and Peter stole slowly through the orchard at the rear toward the open window. It was then that he heard the music for the first time, the "harmonium" wailing softly, while sweet and clear above the accompaniment (worked out painstakingly but lovingly by the girl herself) came Beth's voice singing the "Elégie."
Peter came closer until he was just at the edge of the shadow outside the window. He knew that her back would be turned to him and so he peered around the shutter at her unconscious back. She sang the song through until the end and then after a pause sang it again. Peter had no ear now for the phrasing, for faults in technique, or inaccuracies in enunciation. What he heard was the soul of the singer calling. All that he had taught her in the hours in the Cabin was in her voice – and something more that she had learned elsewhere… Her voice was richer – deeper, a child's voice no longer, and he knew that she was singing of his mad moment in the woods, which had brought the end of all things that had mattered in her life. It was no girl who sang now, but a woman who had learned the meaning of the song, the plaint of birds once joyous, of woodland flowers once gay – at the memory of a spring that was no more. He had told her that she would sing that song well some day when she learned what it meant. She would never sing it again as she had sung it to-night. All the dross that Peter had worn in the world was stripped from him in that moment, all that was petty and ignoble in his heart driven forth and he stood with bowed head, in shame for what he had been, and in gentleness for this dear creature whose idols he had cast down.
At the end of the second verse, her fingers slipped from the keys and fell to her sides while she bowed her head and sat for a moment immovable. And then her shoulders moved slightly and a tiny smothered sound came from her throat. Suddenly her head bent and she fell forward on her arms upon the muted keys.
Noiselessly he passed over the low windowsill and before she even knew that he was there, fell to his knees beside her.
"Beth," he whispered. "Don't – child – don't!"
She straightened, startled and incredulous at the sight of him, and tried to move away, but he caught one of her hands and with bent head gently laid his lips upon it.
"Don't, Beth – please. I can't bear to see you cry – "
"I – I'm not crying," she stammered helplessly, while she winked back her tears, "I – I've just – just got the – the – stomachache."
She tried to laugh – failing dismally in a sob.
"Oh, Beth – don't – " he whispered.
"I – I can't help it – if I – I've got a – a pain," she evaded him.
"But I can," he murmured. "It's in your heart, Beth. I'm sorry for everything. Forgive me."
"There's nothing to forgive."
"Please!"
"There's nothing to forgive," she repeated dully. But she had controlled her voice now and her fingers in his were struggling for release.
"I was a brute, Beth. I'd give everything to have those moments back. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. See – how changed I am – "
She released her fingers and turned slightly away.
"I – I'm changed too, Mr. Nichols," she murmured.
"No. You mustn't be, Beth. And I've got to have you back. You've got to come back to me, Beth."
"Things can't be the same now."
"Yes – just the same – "
"No. Something's gone."
"But if something else has taken its place – "
"Nothing can – "
"Something greater – "
"I don't care for the sample you showed me," she returned quietly.
"I was crazy, Beth. I lost my head. It won't happen again."
"No. I know it won't – "
"You don't understand. It couldn't. I've made a fool of myself. Isn't it enough for me to admit that?"
"I knew it all the time." She was cruel, and from her cruelty he guessed the measure of her pride.
"I've done all I can to atone. I want you to know that I love you. I do, Beth. I love you – "
There was a note in his voice different from that she had heard the other day. His head was bent and he did not hear the little gasp or see the startled look in her eyes, which she controlled before he raised his head. With great deliberateness she answered him.
"Maybe you and I – have a different idea of what love ought to be," she said. But he saw that her reproof was milder.
"I know," he insisted. "You've sung it to me – "
"No – not to you – not love," she said, startled. And then, "You had no right to be listenin'." And then, with a glance at Aunt Tillie's clock, "You have no right to be here now. It's late."
"But I can't go until you understand what I want to do for you. You say that I can't know what love is. It asks nothing and only gives. I swear I wanted to give without thought of a return – until you laughed at me. And then – I wanted to punish you because you wouldn't understand – "
"Yes. You punished me – "
"Forgive me. You shouldn't have laughed at me, Beth. If you knew everything, you'd understand that I'm doing it all without a hope of payment, – just because I've got to."
Her eyes grew larger. "What do you mean?"
"I can't tell you now – but something has happened that will make a great difference to you."
"What?"
"Forgive me. Come to-morrow and perhaps I'll tell you. We've already wasted two days."
"I'm not so sure they've been wasted," said Beth quietly.
"I don't care if you'll only come. Will you, Beth? To-morrow?"
She nodded gravely at last.
"Perhaps," she said. And then, gently, "Good-night, Mr. Nichols."
So Peter kissed her fingers as though she had been his Czarina and went out.
